One of the more paralyzing decisions you’ll make is when you should announce your pregnancy after loss. If you were hoping for a resolute answer for a certain week that is the right time to announce, we are sad to disappoint. There is only what is right for you. Which might beg the question, how do you know for sure?
Shutterstock/Natalia Deriabina
Some women feel best announcing right away so they get support through early pregnancy, as well as through a loss if it happens. Others like to wait the traditional three months (which of course does not guarantee a good outcome, but does signify that some of the more common risks have passed). Some simply want to keep this pregnancy to themselves either because it feels both sacred and vulnerable, or because they don’t want to have to announce a loss if it happens. Some want to announce only when the baby is safe in their arms.
When you should announce your pregnancy after loss
There are pros and cons to both waiting and announcing early. To help you decide when the right time is for you, consider the following . . .
Are you ready to talk about this new pregnancy?
If a friend or even stranger wants to small talk about this baby-on-the-way, are you OK with that? Or does that idea of making small talk about your pregnancy make you want to run and hide?
Are you in need of strong community support during this new pregnancy?
Is it important for friends and family members rally around you for physical and emotional support? Do you want to be able to vent on a bad day to a friend or text your mom a request for food you’re craving? If you feel the benefits of being fully supported outweighs your need for privacy, then share away.
Is your village generally supportive?
If your friends and family voice their opinions on this pregnancy, will they be supportive? Or will their reactions likely be an emotional burden for you? Does announcing make you feel more vulnerable? Or more supported?
Which is more important to you?
Sharing milestones, fears, and joys with this pregnancy with those you love, even with the risk of possibly having a loss? Or holding the news of this pregnancy for only your very trusted circle, allowing only them to experience the ups and downs of this pregnancy with you?
How are you physically?
Is this a high-risk pregnancy where you will have frequent doctor’s appointments? How much will you need outside support for things like babysitting or help around the house, especially if you go on bedrest? Are you laid up in bed for weeks with uncontrollable nausea? If you need a lot of physical support, or if you just cannot function in your normal roles as you used to, you may want to consider announcing earlier.
Is your partner on board?
If you need support but your partner needs to just hole up, announcing now could cause resentment and unnecessary drama. Agree before you announce.
Is there a certain milestone you feel you need to reach?
Your milestone could be anything from a positive pregnancy test, having a fertility procedure done such as IVF, first ultrasound, heartbeat established, second trimester, the gestation in which you lost before, anatomy scan, 24 weeks, or even birth. None of these are too early or too late.
Do you feel ready?
We admit feelings are hard to qualify. But what does your gut tell you? If you and your partner feel ready to announce the day you find out you’re pregnant, announce away. If don’t want to say a word until this baby is out and into your arms, mums the word. Only you and your partner get to decide when is right for you.
What about deciding who to announce to?
Now that you know when you should announce your pregnancy after loss, take time to consider who you are ready to announce to:
Start with the people you are closest to.
We’ve all been there: Scrolling on social media only to read some big news you thought you would have been told personally. To avoid hurt feelings, personally announce to your inner circle. Then work your way out at whatever pace works for you.
Consider telling your boss before you tell coworkers or announce on social media.
If it’s important that no one accidentally slips the fact that you are pregnant to your boss, consider telling your boss first before announcing on social media or telling coworkers. (If your coworkers are also your BFFs, of course, you may decide it’s worth that risk.) If you are actively doing interviews for work, you should not announce your pregnancy in the interview, even if your pregnancy is obvious. And if you need accommodations at work to keep you or baby healthy, you’ll want to tell your boss.
Do you have friends who might be hurt by your announcement?
If you have a friend who has experienced loss or infertility or any other circumstance where your pregnancy announcement might be hard, consider telling them privately before you make a broad public announcement. If they will be in a gathering where you plan to make a formal announcement, be kind and let them know ahead of time.
Announcing your pregnancy after loss is exciting . . . and scary and complicated.
Just like everything about pregnancy after loss, announcing your pregnancy can feel complicated. There are so many feelings to acknowledge and relationships to work around.
But what is simple is the fact that your needs and wants take precedence. So whether you unabashedly share that precious bump on every post from here on out – or wait to say anything until this little one is snug in your arms – you get to share the news of this baby whenever it feels right to you.
Once you’re ready to share the news, we’ve got you covered. Be sure to check out our list of creative ways to announce your pregnancy after loss, and see our Pinterest board for more ideas.
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