rowan3 As we approach the 30 week mark, my worry about not being able to choose a special name for our Li’l Bub increases. Chris and I were both so taken with the name Rowan (meaning ‘red tree’ or ‘little red one’) from the very beginning. When we moved to Rhode Island, I ordered a red tree decal to liven up a wall in our otherwise bland military housing living room. We took our first picture together near it after learning we were expecting our first child–long before we knew he was a boy, long before we named him Rowan, long before he died. For me, our precious boy’s name is perfect. It fit him even though we called him by name months before bringing him into the light. His name decorates a corner of our bedroom; along with his picture, I look at his name every day.

Now that we are expecting his little brother, choosing a name has been very stressful. We cannot seem to agree on much of anything. Because the name Rowan was so…is so…special to us, we want so desperately to choose a name for our second son that is just as special. I describe it as us wanting a name that is epic; dramatic, I know, but true nonetheless. Perhaps our favorite name for a while was Sawyer, but that is the name my cousin recently bestowed upon her own rainbow; it fits him so perfectly, and it should be all his own within our family.

Although it seems everyone has their own opinion on what we should consider (the worst is when you mention a name and the other person’s face squinches up as if to say, “Oh no, not that name”), we’re doing our best to hold our cards close to the chest, as they say. We go back and forth with various ideas, but have committed to nothing. As it’s looking, we may take our “short list” with us to the hospital and wait to meet Bub before deciding on a name. There’s something beautiful about the idea of letting our hearts decide once we lay eyes upon our second miracle.

What were some of your struggles when it came to choosing a name for your rainbow (especially if your rainbow is the same gender as the child you lost)? Perhaps you have some suggestions about working through the worry about naming a rainbow; I’d appreciate hearing your stories.


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