Tips from PAL Moms is a column at PALS Magazine where we ask you, the PAL mom, for feedback about your experience during pregnancy after loss. We ask a question on our Facebook Page and hope that you can help answer it while also benefiting from the answers, all in an effort to relate and learn from fellow moms who “get it.”

My husband and I have been trying to conceive after our daughter was stillborn almost a year ago. We’ve tried everything–OPKs, temp tracking, etc.–but nothing is working. We’re starting to consider getting a referral to an infertility specialist, even though we didn’t need help conceiving our daughter. At what point do other loss parents seek help in getting pregnant?


Mama, I’m so sorry  you’ve had such a difficult journey. My best advice is to follow your instincts. If you feel like you’ve tried everything and that nothing is working, then definitely check on a referral. I can understand your hesitation since you didn’t have trouble conceiving your daughter, but secondary infertility could be a possibility. I discovered I had it after my second child was born. It’s also possible that there is nothing wrong, but it may be a relief just to hear it from someone else. Sometimes a little reassurance goes a long way. On that note, here is what some moms in our PALS community had to say. Good luck and know that you have a whole sisterhood of PAL mamas standing behind you!

Here are some great TIPS from other PAL moms:

Melissa – “It depends on age. If you’re younger than 35, 12 mo. If you’re older, 6 mo. An endo is also helpful because they have diff. standards for TSH levels, which greatly impacts fertility – so I hope you go in soon. I was grateful just for that. They like to see you below 2.5. Much love and hugs to you.”

Ashley –  “Our doctor’s policy is that you must have been trying for 12 months before they’ll refer you to a reproductive endocrinologist. We were cleared to start trying 6 months after our son’s stillbirth and were referred a year after that. We had our HSG test and were a month away from starting Clomid when I got pregnant. Apparently a lot of women get pregnant on their HSG test cycle.”

KerriAnne –“Just wondering if you’ve had some additional blood tests run like a thyroid panel to check for conditions that may be complicating conception and fertility. I had a brief period of not being able to conceive after my stillbirth, and then I found out at had hashimotos disease. Once I began treatment,I conceived almost immediately.  Hoping you conceive soon! ?”

Barbara – “I had a stillborn baby boy in May 2015 at 27 weeks, and I then discovered I have a blood clotting disorder (PAI-1 4G/4G). Using the sticks to track ovulation, I got pregnant 3 months later. I was on BA and daily shots of Clexane for the whole pregnancy. On May 2nd I gave birth to my daughter who is now 3 months! I will turn 39 in one month. I wish you all the best!”

Megan – “My husband and I got a referral about a year after our son. At first treatments were fine. They did the test. And everything was fine. After a couple treatments failing it became really stressful. And we decided to stop. We kept trying, without the help of a clinic, and nothing. Finally about 3 years later after giving up ( if it happened it happened)… We became pregnant. I know it’s easier said then done… But, not stressing was the trick for us. Some people can handle fertility treatments and it works. But, it wasn’t for us. Good luck in whatever you choose!”

Melissa – “Secondary infertility sucks. I had no trouble having my first two, then a year and a half of unexplained infertility, then two first trimester missed miscarriages (conceived in our own). I like my infertility office. I like acupuncture and Avirgo technique Maya Abdominal Therapy.
I also like the books “Making Babies” and “It Starts With the Egg”. Oh and of course “Taking Charge of Your Fertility.”

Cassandra – “If you read” Taking Charge of Your Fertility” and still aren’t pregnant in 4 months (if you do everything they say) then it’s time to go to the doctor. It’s about the equivalent of someone who is maybe less educated on ttc trying for a year. I love the book, and learned so much that I thought I knew. After 7 months of Ttc I got pregnant, though I did end up losing 3 babies in a row, I was pregnant all back to back. After reading the book getting pregnant was not an issue (we had a daughter previously, so I knew that I could get pregnant.)”

Gabriella -“ Sometimes your mind and your body just needs time to recover. It took us 18 months to fall again and it was only after I was mentally and physically ready ❤”

*To read more Tips from PAL Moms about this specific question visit our Facebook Page.

* For extra support about trying to conceive after loss,  please read the following PAL Original Pieces: Lisa Hand’s TTC After Loss: Toning Down the “Crazy” and My Reflection of Infertility after Loss; Elizabeth Schulmeister’s Infertility… Again; and Valerie Meek’s TTC After Loss: Infertility Diagnosis.

*If you have a question that you would like to ask other PAL moms, please message us on our Facebook Page.

* Photo Source:   LaToya Thomas Cooper PALS Online Support Group Moderator

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