Tips from PAL Moms is column on PALS where we ask you, the PAL mom, for feedback about your experience during pregnancy after loss. We ask a question on our Facebook Page and hope that you can help answer some questions and also benefit from the answers all in an effort to relate and learn from fellow moms who “get it”.
How do you deal with guilt while TTC, pregnant, or parenting after loss?
Jessica – “I havent figured it out yet. I have tremendous guilt and am currently working on it.”
Jenny – “I’ve had to work through some things, but I know that it was not anything I did. Because I had a placental abruption, I was very angry at my body for failing me, though. I was worried my husband was disappointed that I couldn’t carry a baby full term. I just had our rainbow baby 2 days ago, after spending 5 weeks in the hospital. He was born at 30 weeks 4 days, and I still have some guilt because it ended up being another placental abruption. I sometimes sweep it under the rug, but if I’m having a sad day I usually end up talking to my husband about it, and he is understanding and reassuring.”
Jill – “I had a lot of guilt and it became much worse after getting pregnant. It felt like I was somehow dishonoring my daughters memory by having another baby. Then one day I just began to think of her in Heaven having picked herself out a brother to send down here to me. It may sound silly but the thought of her having approval on the process really helps.”
Brittany – “For me it’s reminding myself I did nothing wrong and absolutely nothing could have been done for either of my losses. I am still grieving and terrified as I’m expecting again, but I deserve to happy about this, so I do everything possible to push any negative, guilty thoughts away. It’s a daily struggle.”
Frankie – “Phew, that’s a tough one for me too. I struggle a lot with guilt still. I will always wonder if there was anything more I could have done to save my daughter, and worry that I don’t deserve my son… ”
Katy – “I actually sweep it under the carpet. It’ll always be there but know deep down if I feed the guilt it’ll do nobody any good, especially myself or our future little ones. I try to lockdown the negative thoughts.”
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