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Tips from PAL Moms is a column at PALS Magazine where we ask you, the PAL mom, for feedback about your experience during pregnancy after loss. We ask a question on our Facebook Page and hope that you can help answer it while also benefiting from the answers, all in an effort to relate and learn from fellow moms who “get it”.

Question:

“Some loss moms report that the anxiety of pregnancy after loss (PAL) lessened once they got past the date of their previous loss(es). In your experience, did you find this to be true, false, or in-between?”

Answers:

SaraRenee – “Yes and no. I’ve had 5 miscarriages, 2 healthy babies, and 1 beautiful angel who we lost at 2 weeks old due to heart/other complications. But I definitely take a large breath after getting past the miscarriages. I am currently 14 weeks, so I just got to breathe that sigh. I however will probably be a little anxious till 20 weeks when we see this li’l man’s heart and everything is ok. The key for me is remembering that THIS BABY deserves just as much of me as all the rest got. THIS BABY deserves to have its mama and daddy excited for it like it’s brother and sisters were. Believe it or not, it helps.”

Nerissa – “My son died at 38 weeks. I was induced with my daughter at 37w6d. There was no getting past the date that loss had occurred. My anxiety level was so high I was having increasing panic attacks, so induction was the best option. Staying inside a constantly panic stricken mommy was not good for my little girl.”

Zoe – “My loss was 24 weeks last September. I am now 25 weeks. I felt incredibly anxious between 20-24 weeks, this last week I have felt a little calmer, but I will never totally relax. I never know how I’m going to feel each day until the day has started!”

Daree – “For me it felt like I could breathe when I reached that week, but knowing what I know about how fragile life can be, it didn’t make me feel more confident. For me, just accepting that I have no control over the outcome and enjoying each pregnancy for however long it lasts let’s me find joy in the moment and takes the stress from the unknown.”

Lorena – “My anxiety was released once I delivered my rainbow. I felt like he wasn’t safe in my tummy. Once I hit the week I lost my angel that’s when I wanted him out the most. I lost my Angel at 35 weeks. Now I’m constantly checking on him that he’s breathing. I don’t know when it will be much easier. I’m freaked out of SIDS, but I pray every day with all my heart, that my rainbow and sunshine grow to be 100 years.”

Chenelle – “Well my loss was at 40w3d so there is no ‘safe point’ to get past. I won’t ever allow a pregnancy to go past 39 weeks now.”

Lori – “My loss was at 22 weeks. I thought once I made it passed 22 weeks I would feel relief, but honestly I was anxious the entire pregnancy until I had her at 36 weeks! It’s an incredibly hard thing to go through again after experiencing loss!”

Anne – “My son died at 32w4d and when I hit that point with my daughter I thought I’d relax- but I didn’t. It was now uncharted territory. I didn’t relax until my doctor told me during the c-section that she was ok.”

Sarah – “My son died during delivery due to an acute cord prolapse at 40 weeks & 2 days. I’m currently 37 weeks plus 6 & don’t have a “safe” point. I spend my time trying to visualize and meditate on seeing a live baby in my arms. It’s not easy.”

Gored – “True in my case. First twins miscarriage at 12 weeks. I passed it on second pregnancy, but at 26 weeks doctors said that baby wouldn’t make it due to kidney cysts. Baby died at 3 days old after birth at 37 weeks. Third pregnancy, I had a nervous meltdown on my rainbow’s 3rd day of life. I breathed a little when it passed, but then new fears arise,  like SIDS. And I believe the fear of something bad happening will accompany us forever. One just has to remain patient, faithful in whatever one believes in and cherish everyday spent together. I pray everyday for the joy of having him in our lives. Good luck to all of you ladies and your beautiful rainbows!!”

Catrina – “At five days old, my daughter stopped breathing. She was diagnosed with congenital heart disease and suffered from severe brain damage. She stopped fighting at 7 days old. Each week during the pregnancy, birth, each day was a milestone. I prayed it would be easier once we made it past 7 days, but I was faced with different fears. It’s slowly getting easier.”

Rachel – “When we reached 34 weeks (the gestation my daughter died) I went mad – at the midwives and hospital nearly every day for a week. Then afterwards I was anxious as I was in ‘unknown territory.’ I was so worried until he was here.”

Jessica – “Honestly, for me it is getting worse. I passed my milestone last week at 35 weeks, and now that I will be 36 weeks tomorrow, I feel like I’m going crazy. I am constantly obsessing about her movement. I am so ready!”

Erin – “I felt that way. Once I got past that date, I felt like I could breathe a little bit better.”

Jessica – “Both of my boys were full term when they passed away so with my third pregnancy we never passed the due date from the previous pregnancies as we delivered early.”

Leslie – “I’m still anxious, and my rainbow is almost three.”

Kim – “I don’t think I will until I hold the baby I’m carrying in my arms. I lost a son at 34weeks because of a genetic disorder. And I lost my daughter at 24 weeks with no explanation, and that scares my even more, because I know that even with a healthy pregnancy sometimes things just go wrong and no one really knows why. I’m currently 23 weeks and just keep praying this baby will be here in a few months.”

Rebecca – “I lost my first son at 35 weeks, so my anxiety only got worse the closer my due date came with my second pregnancy.”

Melody – “It didn’t ease for me until I heard him cry, and now I’m terrified of SIDS everyday. My loss was at 35 weeks.”

Katy – “I haven’t got there yet. My son died when he was eight weeks old from SIDS. My daughter is three weeks old, and my anxiety is at an all time high.”

*To read more Tips from PAL Moms about this specific question visit our Facebook Page.

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