I can hardly believe that I’m typing up my 37w Bump Day Blog after what my body has put me through this past week. I thought days ago I’d have a baby in my arms. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not upset about it. I know the more time on the inside for baby the better. It’s been about every other day this past week that my contractions were coming steadily every 5-10 minutes on average. They were even picking up in intensity and some of them were quite uncomfortable up until today (Sunday). Today, like a few days ago, they’ve slowed again to about every 20-30 minutes. I wish I could call them slowing down “a break” but truthfully, the absence of the regular contractions has just left me feeling more aware of my body being run down and sore from the previous day’s uterine work out.
Even with all the activity going on inside my body, we’ve kept busy on the outside too. I started week 37 at the doctor’s office. He did the ever-so-pleasant Group B Strep. test and also did a quick check of my cervix. I’ll know tomorrow what the outcome of the test is. As for the cervical check, I’m dilated to a 1. That’s no big thing. I was dilated to a 3 for weeks during my last pregnancy. I’ve come to also know that how open the cervix is up until a certain point is truly no indication of when the real onset of labor will happen. Even knowing so, I’m always curious as to what’s going on up in there so I allow the check anyhow.
Tuesday and Wednesday were both full of regular contractions while Thursday they slowed again. By this point in the week I was so ready for my body to either give me a baby or give me a break.
Friday and Saturday my uterus was back at it, but we enjoyed dressing up for some Halloween fun, time with family and my daughter had one last sleepover with her cousins at our house before the baby comes anyway. I figured since could walk through the contractions I may as well be doing something fun, right? If they picked up then, hey…at least my hospital bags are packed.
Now it’s Sunday and I’m typing up Monday’s post and feeling rather emotional. I woke up this morning with my very first stretch mark. Approximately 27 total months of being pregnant and I finally have my first stretch mark to show for it. I’m not upset about it out of vanity. I don’t care what anyone else thinks about the tiny little stripe up my belly. What had me in tears upon its discovery was that I’ll have this baby to show for this pregnancy. I have my daughter to show for my first pregnancy. I have nothing to show for my last and middle pregnancy. I don’t have my son. He didn’t leave me with any stripes down my tummy. I’m left with a seeping wound in my heart, an urn full of what once was and a mind overrun with memories that were never made. I remember typing up a blog post for my personal blog talking about how I wish I had visible scars to show for Abraham. I kind of feel betrayed by my body. Yes, I’m completely aware of how whiney and absurd this sounds.
Having said all that, maybe I’m so emotional because I’ll be snuggling a new baby by this time next week and my body is having a hormone surge. Is that even a thing? I remember being weepy days before my other two were born, too. I could be wrong and I’m just a big ol’ baby, and that’s okay too.
Anyway, say a quick prayer for my inner control freak as it’s once again burdened by the unknown of just when this child will make an entrance into the world.