Their Light Remains by Dr. Deborah Simmons
In this Pregnancy Loss and Infant Awareness Month, I honor babies who have died in utero, at delivery, and in the NICU. Their spirits remain. Always. Every day. In our hearts, and bodies, and minds. And not just in October. The light of their memory remains with you and me daily, often in unexpected waves of grief and sorrow. Sometimes their souls visit. The whisper in the mind. The flicker of a candle. The gentle breeze of movement. I have heard so many stories of connection from a spirit world I do not understand but welcome.
And I honor all bereaved parents whose hopes and dreams get tangled up in the daily mess of life. Watching others’ children grow is so often a reminder of what should be happening but is not. It is so hard not to make comparisons. It is fine to be sad and mad. You come by it righteous.
It is up to each of us—you and me—to shine a light on the reality that this happened. That this has happened to YOU or to someone you know. Because others forget, even when they mean to remember. They did not meet your baby. They did not feel the movement and connection to your baby in the ways that you did. And still do. Sharing your baby’s light is essential to your healing, even if others don’t get it.
One way to invite others into your world is to ask them to donate in your baby’s name to organizations that work actively to find hope and healing. This very website, Pregnancy After Loss Support is a wonder, helping women around the United States and around the world. The Star Legacy Foundation inspires international research on stillbirth prevention. Challenge your supporters to put their money where their mouths are. Action makes the difference.
Because we are all connected, you and me. You who are in active, raw grief and you who grieve daily with moments of reprieve. I honor you and your babies from my heart. Healing needs love, connection to community, and time. The community of bereaved parents and supporters is coming together for healing. The light of their memory remains. Shine your own inner light, too.