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This weekend brought beautiful fall weather to Newport. We spent the first half of Saturday enjoying a few hours downtown; this picture is from the pumpkin patch at Trinity Church. The fam kept joking I didn’t pick a nearly large enough pumpkin for the picture, but it was cute, so it’s the one I went with. 

Thursday’s OB appointment really threw Chris and I for a loop, as it did not go well at all. We had been expecting a conversation with our doctor about a plan for Bub’s arrival, but because of a series of events, the discussion wasn’t held until prior to the official beginning of week 38. In the previous 6 appointments, we had only seen our provider 2 times because of vacation, family emergency time, and a call-out for delivery. This bothered Chris quite a bit because we still had unanswered questions, and I was still going through so much with my impending “trigger time” as far as my grief is concerned. My anxiety was nearing an all-time high, and it was my wish to be induced as soon as safely possible. My version of what that should look like was much different than the doctor’s vision. We knew he was insistent on 39 weeks being the earliest for Bub’s arrival. 

The trouble began when Chris and I sat in the exam room waiting for the doctor; our goal was to express, once again, our concern about my stress on the baby, as well as the affect Gestational Diabetes was having on Bub’s size and the possibility of him needing to be born sooner than 39 weeks. I began to cry as I expressed my fears and concerns. That is when our usually gentle mannered doctor looked at me and said, “If you were so concerned about this baby, you’d have brought your glucometer with you today. I’ve never seen it.” It wasn’t very gentle. It was said harshly. His face displayed an irritation I had not seen from him before. It lasted less than 2 minutes, and then disappeared, but in those 2 minutes I felt my empowerment stripped away and my confidence drained. I think it must have been those first 8 words that set me into a whirlwind of pain and confusion. When I first got my glucometer from the GD counselor on base, I called my OB’s office to find out if I needed to bring it to my next appointment in 2 weeks; I was told it was not necessary as long as it was being regulated by the counselor on base. I took it anyway, but it was not reviewed. I took it to the following appointment, and the other doctor who saw me that day did, in fact, review it. I was told I was doing an excellent job with my meals and record; I was to keep up the good work. I only saw my own OB one more time between the appointment where my logs were reviewed and the current appointment. Until that moment, the glucometer was never mentioned. 

Under normal circumstances, I think I could have worked through hearing the words that came out of the doctor’s mouth, but in my current frame of mind, it broke me. I could not imagine any scenario in which I could look this doctor in the face again, let alone feel good about him being the director of Bub’s birth. There was no doppler check of Bub’s heartbeat, nor an exam during this appointment. He removed us to his office to go over his schedule and how we would fit into it for Bub’s birth. Another shock to our naive mindset. We were completely unaware that the birth of our son would be dictated by the days/times our doctor was “on the schedule.” He gave us time to think about it; we were to call in to let his nurse know our decision.

In the meantime, Chris became very adamant that what we needed was a new provider. I needed to feel confident again. I needed to feel at peace again. I needed Bub’s birth to be healing without the negativity introduced by this appointment. After several discussions with various trusted family members and friends, I knew I had to be strong for Bub. I pursued changing providers on Friday, and was successful in doing so. The idea of changing this late in the game frightened me, but what frightened me even more was the possibility of Bub’s special day being tarnished by negativity.  

Friday night brought me one of the best nights of sleep I’ve had in a long while.

Later this week, I’ll be sharing the plan for Bub’s arrival on our blog: hopeisouranchor.blogspot.com; there are a couple of possible scenarios. We have moved past the anxiety and residual fear now, and are ready to meet our second Miracle Boy!! 

Your continued prayers and encouragement are greatly appreciated!

 

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