20141004_140934 (1) Today’s silly picture is from my 36 week picture with Li’l Bub’s fruit/veggie size comparison…a honeydew melon. While our growth scan a little over a week ago had him at approximately 7.5 lbs already, this melon felt like it weighed 15 lbs! I wanted to have some fun with the picture since my meeting with a lactation consultant earlier that day had been less than enjoyable. I don’t enjoy sharing the negative stories or experiences I’ve had, but after mentioning it on Facebook and getting some great feedback from mommy friends spanning all ages and backgrounds, I decided it might be worth some attention here.

I saw a lactation consultant the other day, as I had some questions about breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding to have answered. I had already done a great deal of reading, so I was able to use some of the terminology I had come to understand when asking the questions. I did explain about Rowan’s death, and how that traumatic event in my life had shaped some of my ideas about how I would parent Li’l Bub. When she realized I was still trying to decide between breastfeeding and bottle-feeding, she said, “What if I told you breastfeeding your son will save his life? How could any mother turn down saving their child’s life?”  I have to believe she hadn’t listened at all to what I had said about losing Rowan, or else why would she have used these particular words to encourage breastfeeding? On the other hand, I had to consider if she was so determined to sell me on breastfeeding that she was willing to manipulate me through my loss.

This is perhaps not the worst of it.

I moved on with another couple of questions and in doing so, I shared some of my fears/concerns/worries about certain details of providing for Li’l Bub. I was told that making decisions for this little guy based on anything that happened before with Rowan was both “illogical and irrational.” In fact, I’d say she made me feel like a high school student needing a lesson in common sense by repeating that my line of thinking was illogical and irrational, and didn’t I see that this was the case?It was a real stab in the heart, truly. The bummer is, I was just trying to get some questions answered because I was ready to make some decisions. I went into the conversation with an open mind and heart, and left feeling rather down and defeated.

This brings me to what I want to say (and thank you to my friends who provided me with this conclusion through their various words of support and stories of experience). As loss mamas (although it should hold true of ALL mamas), let’s continue to hold each other up in a positive light, and at the same time, let’s try to not participate in mom-shaming or “the mommy wars” or whatever this nonsense is I’ve heard about. We’ve been through the unimaginable. When we see a mom breastfeeding in public, let’s give a smile or kind word. When we see a mom changing a disposable diaper, let’s say something uplifting or at least smile. Instead of judging another woman on any of the fashionably controversial mommy topics floating around out there, let’s just acknowledge the wonder of motherhood, the wonder of life itself. For we know how difficult it is to make it through each day as a mother to a child no longer with us.

As my friend put it, simply, “Feed the baby. Enjoy the baby.”

 

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