I am living in a testimony in which I was hoping to see happen. It’s a surreal feeling to be a mother. My life does not look the same and I am completely fine with it. Motherhood has really taught me the importance of cruising along in the journey because they are constantly changing and your baby is consistently growing!
With me going through infertility and pregnancy loss, I have seen a great amount of challenge and struggle in my life. Motherhood is quite different because there is a great level of joy, but then there is a great level of frustration due to the lack of sleep and constant multitasking that must happen. It is a transition. However, I feel that even with the challenges of motherhood, it has been so nice to see myself practice patience and remind myself, “There is tomorrow, it may just be an easier day.” Usually, that really is a true statement at least in the Simmons household since our son Jowen is unpredictable, probably just like every other baby.
There are some days I truly wonder like how I am even working and taking care of a child amongst other daily responsibilities I have. Every time I think about that then I wonder, “Wait. How did he grow up so fast already to the point that he is heavier to carry?”
Jowen has really taught me patience. Motherhood is showing me how I must allow myself to take a seat at the passenger seat, and I don’t always need to be in the driver’s seat.
For instance, Jowen moves excessively to the point that there are times I must put him down in his chair or his playmat. Also, when he cries, being able to tell myself it’s okay, let me focus on getting his bottle or just letting him cry for a bit till he can calm down on his own. Most of the time, it may just be a small cry and he goes right to sleep. There are times where I may not know what is wrong at all in why he is fussy. I remember it’s okay to not feel I must do anything differently than what I already do which is to comfort him in the best way I can or just let him cry. This is me letting go which was very hard in the beginning, but I had come to terms with the fact that there are times where if it’s too much for me, there are people around me that can help such as my husband Nick, our siblings or parents. Just like when you are driving a car, if there is someone in the passenger seat, you can always switch. There are times where I just picture a single mother, and it helps me realize how blessed I am to have the support. Truly, single mothers are always in the driver’s seat, especially without additional support. Mamas, just remember that you can take the passenger’s seat at times. You are deserving of it.
Also, something so important I feel like for parents is for their babies to sleep longer which is so hard the first few months. So, we are not stressing about sleep training, and I refuse to focus on it that much especially as Jowen is reaching four months. Why? Because I feel like our son is not ready yet. I am actually very proud of myself for this because I thought I would obsess about it and ensure that his sleeping schedule is great. However, I feel like I really want to practice not stressing about anything that is not within my control. My husband Nick and I agreed that we will have more of a routine of what time he takes a bath in the night but not stressing putting him down in the bassinet or crib and forcing him to fall asleep on his own. If he falls asleep on his own one night, fine, that’s great. If he doesn’t the next night, that’s okay too. We will just hold him till he falls asleep.
One thing I have learned is that being a mother is powerful because you should be the one making the decision, along with your spouse. You do not need a manual.
Things do not need to go a certain way all the time! Your routine does not need to look like others. I feel like that is the norm when it comes to sleep training or any milestone your child is reaching. Every baby is different. I find peace in this. Especially the fact that I have gone through so much such as infertility and pregnancy loss, I just want to have a break from wanting to plan everything or putting myself down. I am doing the opposite this time and that is what I love about motherhood.