Have you ever felt stuck in your grief? I don’t mean stuck in the throes of grief, although I have certainly felt that as well. I mean stuck in a place where your grief seems pointless. Why did my babies have to die? It has been seven years, and some days I still cannot make sense of it, even as I have resigned myself to the fact that it was not up to me. Life, the beautiful gift that it is, was not mine to keep that time.

woman listening to music - songs for grief

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For seven years I have tried to make my grief matter. To do as much as I can for others so that the pain of loss would make sense. I have made a lot of mistakes but for the most part, I hope that I have helped someone along the way. This is why this feeling surprised me. The feeling that I have lost control of my grief hit me so strongly that I struggled to write anything grief-related for a couple of months. A feeling that was made even stronger by Pregnancy, Infant, and Child Loss Awareness Month. What could I say to anyone that felt true? How can I help anyone if I am struggling with my own grief?

That’s when I remembered a question someone asked me back in 2014 when I experienced my miscarriages: What were the songs that helped you get through your grief?

There were so many songs that helped me get through my losses. Songs that made me cry harder than ever before and songs that brought me comfort through it all. During the months that followed my miscarriages, every song seemed to remind me of my loss, and to list them all would take too long. Also, please know my songs reflect my particular faith.

Here is my list of 5 songs that were on repeat as I tried to find understanding in my grief.

1. The song: Praise you in this Storm by Casting Crowns

The Lyrics:

And I’ll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
That you are who you are
No matter where I am
And every tear I’ve cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm”

The takeaway: For a moment I was angry at God. I felt betrayed and deserted. Finding this song, reminded me that regardless of how I felt at the moment, God’s love was unchanging, and still worthy of praise.

2. The Song: Gone too soon by Daughtry

The Lyrics:

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you
I’m always asking why this crazy world had to lose
Such a ray of light we never knew
Gone too soon, yeah

         ******

One thing is evident
Would’ve given all I had

Would’ve loved ya like no other”

The takeaway: This is a very popular song for obvious reasons. Long after the loss, parents like me still ask these questions. Some may get answers, others never will. l love the line that correctly says that if given the choice, we would have loved our babies with everything we have and that is something that comforts me immeasurably.

3. The song: Held by Natalie Grant

The Lyrics:

This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held

The takeaway: Firstly, we have survived an ordeal that many women do not. Pregnancy and miscarriage can be delicate and many women do not survive but I did and so did you. And secondly, at one of the lowest points for my family, we were held.

4. The song: Trust in you by Lauren Daigle

The Lyrics:

When You don’t move the mountains
I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters
I wish I could walk  through
When You don’t give the answers
As I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You

The take away: Okay this one was a bit of a cheat because technically by the time I found this song, I was already pregnant with my rainbow baby but I was still going through the grieving process, plus I had terrible anxiety about whether my new baby would survive or be okay. I was torn between the past and the future and would often get very confused about what I should be feeling.

Listening to these lyrics helped me to remember that even though this was not how I would have wanted motherhood to be like, I can trust that there was a plan for me and my family. And 7 years later, I can testify that He did.

5. Bonus Song: Breathe by Sarah Beltran

The Lyrics:

“Mommy, it’s alright you’ll see
I know you’re asking why
Why me?
Just look above
And feel my love and know
I’ll always be…I’ll always be
Where He will wipe every tear
From your eyes
He will wash every fear away
Dear mommy, know I’ll be here
Right in my Father’s hands
Mommy it’s ok…Mommy, it’s ok”

The takeaway: I found this song a few years ago and even though I am now a mother of two, it still brings me comfort.

I know that this feeling will soon give way to other feelings. And one day I will walk in harmony with my grief again. So until then, I will listen to the songs that helped me before. If I can’t find words of my own then I will take comfort in the words of others. That’s what it means to be part of a community. And as we head into Pregnancy, Infant, and Child Loss Awareness Month, I hope each and every one of you finds comfort in the stories we tell.

What are some of the songs that helped you grieve the loss of your baby?

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