My son, my moon, and all my stars: this was the theme for my baby shower last weekend, and it was such a special day!
Just like everything else in pregnancy after loss, trying to decide what I felt comfortable with in terms of a shower was complicated during this pregnancy. I considered a sip and see so our baby boy can make it earthside before we celebrate. I thought about passing on a shower altogether so I didn’t have to worry about increasing my anxiety around a big group. I even thought of a few other unconventional ideas, but none of them felt right. This decision is going to be different for everyone, but for me, it all came back to redemption.
My baby shower for Sophie was going to be combined with my 30th birthday last year, and after we lost her that weekend felt so heavy and came along with a lot more pain. I know this pain was unavoidable despite any plans, but because of that, I knew I at least wanted to make it past the viability milestone with this baby before we started discussing a shower.
Week 24 rolled around, and I got a call from my sister that we should discuss dates for a baby shower.
I got nervously excited! This was another chance where I made a conscious decision to take control of my pregnancy and not let fear dictate my plans. Sophie deserves to be celebrated, and this baby boy deserves to be celebrated too! I knew this was an opportunity to do both!
When I talked to my sister, we discussed only a couple of “rules”; I wanted it to be held at our home in Wichita, and I wanted to be sure Sophie was a big part of the day too. We narrowed down a few dates, and she started planning.
I was fine with being surprised with most of the details, so a few weeks later, I got the invitation to the baby shower in the mail and instantly started sobbing. It was so tragically beautiful that I could not hold back the tears. Here is the back of the invitation.
I knew at that moment that this shower would be such a healing and poetic way to love on both of our babies and have a physical reminder for this baby boy and his big sister.
The day of the shower was as close to perfection as you can get.
So many family and friends were able to come into town to be there for us, and I felt almost undeserving at times. We laughed together, cried together, and every detail was so thoughtful. Guests were given wildflowers to plant in Sophie’s memory, I was able to show off baby boy’s nursery and point out the shelves we have dedicated to Sophie, and fabrics were displayed for the quilt to be made. Most moms that have lost a child crave the chance to bring up their babies, speak their names, and show their pride. I felt like the mom I will never get the chance to be for her and that was really all I could hope for.
I can’t express how thankful I am to have a sister and a family that supports us and loves both of our babies equally. They hold space for our grief and help us find ways to express that love even when we don’t know how. The whole weekend was an amazing celebration for our son and a beautiful ode to Sophie as well. It still feels surreal that we’ve made it to this point, and we can only hope the weeks continue smoothly so we can meet our son!