This week I got to see some of my family and visit Denver, Colorado. My sister, her husband, and their son live there and we were celebrating my nephew’s first birthday! My parents were also able to come into town so I got to visit with them for a few days which was so nice.
The birthday party theme was “Rhys’s First Ascent” at a rock climbing venue and the birthday boy actually got to try his hand at rock climbing. Name a cuter theme…I’ll wait.
I always love being around my family, but this was the first time seeing them in person since we found out we were pregnant again. It was inevitable that some of those “should be” thoughts and “what ifs” would creep in for a bit.
We should have a 2-month-old right now.
Sophie and Rhys should only be 10 months apart.
I probably wouldn’t even be on this trip if Sophie was here.
If we didn’t lose Sophie, we wouldn’t have this baby boy.
I gave myself a little bit of a tough-love pep talk on this trip.
These were the cards that we were dealt and it’s not fair, but we cannot bring her back and we cannot change how things unfolded. It’s the sad, terrible truth, but sometimes that’s what I need to tell myself so I can focus on what’s right in front of me. In this case, it was my sweet nephew and my strong sister. Both of them were right by our side when we lost Sophie and my husband and I reminded ourselves through that whole journey that the love my sister and her husband share for Rhys is the love that we are fighting so hard for.
Seeing my sister as a mom is so natural it’s scary. She’s been so nurturing, caring, and selfless her whole life and she was truly born to be a mom. She teaches me so much, asks the right questions, and says exactly what I need to hear. Outside of my mom, she’s the gold standard and the north star for motherhood in my book!
When you have someone inspiring to look up to, it helps the pain during the fight feel like fuel instead.
This trip was a pit stop to refill my tank. I got to cuddle with my nephew, celebrate my sister for crushing one whole year of breastfeeding, and hang out with my parents. We watched bad TV, went on walks, and ate a lot of leftover cupcakes.
We have many stressful weeks ahead and this time was exactly what I needed to help me move forward with purpose.