This was a big week for us! We got the results from our NIPT back and we found out whether baby Hanson is a boy or a girl! But getting this news after a loss is so much more emotional.

When my husband and I first found out we were pregnant with Sophie last year we started talking about whether we wanted to find out the sex or wait to be surprised.

We both eventually agreed that we wanted to at least find out with our first baby and then we might choose to be surprised with future babies. We did a NIPT around 10 weeks in that pregnancy and found out we were going to be having a daughter! We were both so excited and I have the best memories of that day. We went out to dinner and talked about what it is going to be like to raise a powerful, resilient woman.

You start to envision a life with a baby girl and everything you will be able to teach her and do together. I thought about the amazing relationship I have with my mom and what kind of relationship I want to have with my daughter and I felt like I immediately gained another best friend. Needless to say, the bond with our baby was so much stronger after finding out this news. And in hindsight, it’s possible that it made our loss that much more heartbreaking, but I don’t regret that decision for a second because of the joy we felt while she was with us.

When we found out we were pregnant again, I knew instantly that I would want to find out the sex of our baby as soon as possible.

I wanted to have that time to form a bond and start creating memories. But, of course, it’s different than I thought. I hate that I’m admitting this, but I was secretly hoping for another daughter. And not to make this anticlimatic, but surprise, it’s a boy!

Shannyn's 11-week bump with a boy balloon - Is Baby Hanson a girl or a boy?

Author’s Personal Collection/Shannyn Hanson

When my husband opened the results and said “it’s a boy” I started crying and laughing. I was overwhelmed with emotions. I was so excited to find out we are going to have a son, but it was also another reminder that Sophie is gone and, at least for now, we aren’t going to have the daughter to take care of like I imagined once before. I felt like, in a way, I was being robbed of what the world promised me. However, I also started thinking about all of the men in my life. They are all such amazing people and now I will hopefully get to experience the joy of raising a strong and compassionate man. Plus, I have a feeling Sophie handpicked this little brother for our family and that makes me smile so big. I will make sure this boy knows how loved he is and how incredible his big sister is.

This was an emotional week, but I am looking forward to planning for our baby boy and making memories with him!

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