Week 10 has been full of high highs and low lows. We took pictures with a photographer that we plan to use to announce our baby to the world in a few weeks. We also decided to move forward with the NIPT that will reveal the sex of our baby in the next couple of days. This made it all feel so real! We are actually pregnant again! It is so fun to visualize an addition to our family and to anticipate whether Sophie has handpicked a little brother or sister.

"Boy" and "Girl" balloons - The Frequency Illusion

Author’s Personal Collection/Shannyn Hanson

But, we’ve also been going through some extreme lows with our friends that have reminded us of what a difficult journey this is all over again. They say 25% of women will experience a loss, but in the small sample size of my close friends and family that have gotten pregnant, this number is closer to 66%. It makes you feel a little hopeless.

You know how when you buy a new car you seem to suddenly see that car on the road all of the time after that?

I had to look this up, but it’s called the frequency illusion and it leads us to believe that something has a high frequency of occurrence. This seems very applicable to the loss community and is both a blessing and a curse. Anyone who has experienced a loss knows how isolating it can feel. When you’re able to find people that can share some of those emotions it makes you feel a little less alone. However, it also means that you’re being flooded with examples from people who have been through something similar or experienced the pain of a loss themself. Now, instead of believing that you were just “unlucky” and on the wrong side of statistics, you start to believe that it’s almost impossible to have a happy ending.

And to put the cherry on top, we live in a world with extremely complex social media algorithms. I’m not going to pretend to understand how these work, but as soon as you google “PPROM” or watch a video related to that topic, it feels like your feed is full of these stories that make your heart sink and puts you right back in the moment of your loss. This same tool that connects our loss community also makes it so much harder to be positive and think about bringing a healthy baby home at the end of the pregnancy.

This loss community is so powerful and strong and supportive and I’m grateful for the perspective I’ve been able to gain by being a part of it.

But, now that I recognize this frequency illusion, I refuse to let it take a front seat in this pregnancy and rob us of joyful moments. So, I’m going to make it a priority to seek out happy endings! I want to hear about all the rainbow babies and happy families and work on manifesting that reality in our lives as well. Here’s to positive thinking in week 11!

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