I have discovered the absolute downside of social media. The claiming of information. Especially when it comes to having a baby (after loss)… I am one day away from my due date. Battling constant irregular contractions that are not picking up (prodromal labor) so I am not progressing but not having a physical break either. I cry whenever I think about holding him after all of the pain and fear and to top it off, Everyone keeps asking me if he’s there on a daily basis. And as much as I see and recognize the anticipation of friends and family… I hate it just as much..


Illustration by author, Saskia Volders

It doesn’t feel supportive to see the words ‘is he there yet‘ on my phone, in my mailbox, on my social media, and in my ear when I get a call every single day. It’s acknowledging when you say ‘you’re HUGE’ (because I totally am and I have no problem with people saying that) but it’s not supportive when it’s followed by ‘he should have been here a long time ago!!” Why? because you are putting pressure on an event that should progress peacefully. I am so ready to feel happiness after all the pain, the worry, the missing. I long to feel positive vibes as much as you do. But it doesn’t help me progress with labor when YOU (who has nothing to do with my motherhood and my labor) try to get him out with the magic of pressuring me to have him.. Not going to happen. And frankly, I don’t feel like I should have to put up with this when you don’t get the hints, my silence, my short answers. But when I DO dare to open up about my frustrations of lack of privacy, then it’s not being really helpful when you just tell me to turn off my phone… Helps a lot… thanks… Thanks for your words of wisdom and understanding.

When you are dealing with a pregnant woman who is about to have a baby, keep this in mind:

  • She is and always will be, a person. She’s not a walking uterus. So try asking her how she’s doing instead of asking the ‘is-he-there-yet question’. It’s just a thought.
  • It’s not because she loved updating you on the pregnancy, that she HAS to update you on the upcoming birth. The final weeks before birth are; sleepless, sometimes painful and very emotional.
  • You have nothing to do with the birth of the mother and father, don’t wedge yourself in the event. They’ll tell you when they feel like doing so. And no, you don’t have to take it personal, you’re not the one preparing to turn your private parts in the burning ring of fire. Just saying.

Social media and the internet have gotten out of hand. It should be a choice.

I should be allowed to ask for privacy without people feeling angry about not getting the information they want. Especially family or anyone 30+ years old, because for as far as I know, there wasn’t social media or a cellphone around when they gave birth to the younger generation right? Don’t get me wrong, I love that you think about us and our family, I love it when you want to meet him.I really do! But to the general public, I say this without grudge or personal spite: You are not helping a scared mama out. You are not making me help get him sooner, on the contrary. Anxiety brings on adrenaline, and adrenaline slows and stops birth. So actually… You’re not doing anyone a favor. Talk to me about your life. Help me get some distraction from the discomfort and my own feelings, let’s have a laugh! Even a pregnant-after-loss-mommy needs a break once in a while.


With love, S.

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