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My stretch marks are quite severe and wide but I can still see where it once began. With 7 more weeks to go and 32 lbs gained already (yet still fit in the same clothing size?!) this seems like a daunting task.  I am not snacking bad foods  but taking the required rest with pelvic instability and a recovering hematoma pays a certain price. And these lovelies haven’t stayed on my belly either, they found their way to my upper thighs, hips and the backs of my legs. The stretch marks on my legs where way worse with Elli’s* pregnancy but I know I still have some time left so they might show up again. I mourn my once lean and scar free bodice, but not like I did after Elli. I cursed my body for a long time after I had her, for it was scarred by a child that was no longer here.

I worked out like a crazy woman (on a bike because I limped for three months after Elli due to my pelvic issues) to lose the weight that I put on. Focussed on looking like a young adult rather then a first time mom. I remember the lines being a huge burden. And now their hideous purple brothers and sisters have joined in, looking angrier and bigger then ever before. But this time I am okay with it. For there will be a boy in my arms that thanks his life to those lines, and with that my body. He is proof of what I have sheltered and held close for two years in a row, love. The incredible never ending live source of humanity, for what would we be to our children if it wasn’t with the love that we carry for them?

To all my fellow marked mothers with children on earth or in the endless heavens. Trace those love-lines with your fingers and picture a memory with each one. Either it be good or bad. each and every one of those memories are those lines. And I learned to love the memory of Eleni when touching them. They are the only remaining proof of what we carried with pride (apart from those awesome C-section-warriors), and some of us who are reading this.. Had to give that away.. Never forget why we have them, so that will never wish them away.

Big Bubba is growing two weeks ahead in size in de 95th percentile. Estimated 5lb 1 oz 6 days ago. His movements are big and relentless, His heart races and his hair (that we gladly discovered on the last us) never seizes to grow. I have 2-5 bathroom breaks a night and turning in bed has become a living nightmare, let alone finding a comfortable sleeping position. 50 more nights to his due date seems so short if you count them like that and I try to. Because it helps me appreciate the time that I have left having him this close.With aches and all. Surrounded by his love-lines…

Love,S.

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