3rd trimester. Here I am!
What the actual fudge? How am I already here? When did time speed up and put me here in the blink of an eye? I know I still have approximately 12 weeks of swelling, sciatica, heartburn, and exhaustion ahead of me. I will also say that I am ready to be done. I do not want Caboose to come super early, do not misread that part. However, I am done with the stress and worry and physical stuff.
In my teenage years, I struggled with self image and eating disorders, which is showing up in interesting ways in this pregnancy.
Ask me if I am pregnant, I will say yes. I see myself in passing in a mirror and think, “Holy cow, I let myself get fat.” I have to constantly point my thoughts back to, “I am not fat, I am pregnant.” I told Husband about this. He thinks that it is not, in fact, my old eating disorder popping up, but the thoughts of a woman who worked hard to lose weight prior to pregnancy and hasn’t adjusted to the massive changes in her body and wants to make sure she stays healthy. I think both are at play, frankly.
I also came to a weird realization this week. I have generally struggled with weight and image, this has been a lifelong thing for me. Even when I am not pregnant I have a belly that protrudes. As a result I get asked when I am expecting when I am 100% not pregnant, which went over really well when I was having all the miscarriages. This week I was thinking about how it feels uncomfortable to me when anyone touches my stomach. Husband included. It doesn’t make me panicky or anything, it’s just uncomfortable. I did some thinking on it and decided it is related to my general insecurity with my stomach.
For the most part, people do not walk up to me and touch my stomach willy-nilly, but I was trying to figure out why it is so uncomfortable for me, even when close family and friends do it. I tense when Rainbow touches my stomach, for the love of Pete. *shrug* It’s amazing how pregnancy brings to light all my weird ticks. Using mindfulness helps with the anxiety in the moment, and I remind myself that it’s ok.
Husband started his advanced rotations this week.
Husband is a very intelligent man, he has a knack for remembering things well. He is the person who sees a movie once and can direct quote it. This morning he mentioned how sad he was that he began this very intense rotation and thought he would know all the things. He, sadly, doesn’t know all the things and feels quite disappointed in himself. He continues to study and get work added to his plate while all of this comes along.
Rainbow has been a new level of difficult this last week or so. Her independence is shining through, as well as her inability to make logical, good choices. I know it is a normal phase, but it is still hard to get her to understand that I am not going to make her chicken nuggets for dinner every night. She’s also obsessed with watching TV (judge me if you want, there is a huge lack of energy at times for me to be able to cook, clean and entertain her.) I do limit the TV watching that she is allowed. She needs to find other things to do at times–color, play imagination games, puzzles, etc. She doesn’t like entertaining herself very much, which in today’s day and age not many of us like to entertain ourselves.
All in all, the beginning of the 3rd trimester has been uneventful.
My 28-week fundal height check and heart rate monitoring were nothing to write home about. My tailbone and hips are in revolt, just as I thought they might be at this point. I started leaking a bit of colostrum (pre milk), which can be normal for second pregnancies. I am feeling little man more and more. I scheduled Non-Stress Tests to begin in February. Things are moving along, and yet I still feel the anxiety that it might all get taken away, any minute.