Loss moms strive to get to week 24. We are told that once baby reaches 24-weeks gestation they have the ability to survive outside the womb. However, when you know what we know, it isn’t anything special. We know babies can still die. We know that even if our baby came out right now, it would still live in the NICU for weeks and months until they were healthy enough- if they get healthy enough. Reaching viability is yet another false reassurance in my pregnancy. I can hold onto the fact that today, I am healthy and can still feel Caboose move.
Outside of pregnancy, husband is in finals week of his last full didactic (classroom-oriented) semester of Pharmacy School. We are excited for this part to be coming to an end, but also a little sad I think. The familiarity of knowing what his schedule will be for weeks is coming to an end. So the planner in me is freaking out. He will begin his first rotation in January/February then will be in elective classes. (1-2 per student)
Rainbow is continuing down the lovely threenager track of life. She knows best and she wants what she wants. I cannot help or negotiate with her. She is sassy, strong, and happy. She still doesn’t completely understand that baby brother is coming and what that means.
In exciting news, likely only exciting to me and Husband, my old OB is back covering for someone’s maternity leave.
So I get to see her for my 24-week appointment. She means the world to me. I think I wrote about her in a past post. She was actually the doctor that told me that Marjie had no heartbeat. She hugged me for what seemed like forever. She was the OB that tracked my other pregnancies, referred me to infertility testing, and was so excited for me when my Rainbow was born.
She is my OB and I wish she was my personal friend. She is awesome, and sweet. So loving and funny. When I was pregnant with Rainbow, my Husband was in pre-req land for Pharmacy school and he would come into the appointments and talk to her about them. They would banter about how Organic Chemistry was ridiculous, or how much he despised *insert subject here*. So when we had a phone appointment a few weeks ago to discuss my anti-depressants and what is going on (I needed to raise my dosage), she chatted with him on speaker phone for a moment. They both agreed that Oncology (part of medicine that deals with cancer) is hard and they both strongly dislike it.
When I see her, I will bring Rainbow with me so she can see how much this child has grown. I am so excited! When I first had Rainbow, I had every intention to take a picture with the both of them to keep. I never did, because Mom brain/ whatever you want to call it. So I am hoping that Rainbow will cooperate with taking a picture with her this time.
Next week is Christmas and Hanukkah (we celebrate both).
I have most of what I need for Rainbow as far as gifts. I am excited to say that we are going to spend Christmas day as our family unit and with friends. We had a tradition prior to having kiddo where we would go spend the day with friends and participate in Orphan’s Christmas. They would cook a turkey, and potatoes. Everyone would bring something. One person always brings Kielbasa and Sauerkraut. It’s just whatever your holiday favorite dish is, bring it.
One year we did a white elephant with about 10-12 of us. It was the funniest, and funnest game of white elephant I have played. We all gave thoughtful gifts that a few of us stole, a lot. Husband ended up with an original piece of art from our friend Horatio. I ended up with a copy of the graphic novel League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. After we had Rainbow, family became adamant that we spend Christmas with them. So for the last few years we did. This year might be one of the last that Husband isn’t working Christmas. So, I was able to work out alternate days with family and get to spend Christmas morning slowly opening gifts with family and heading over to see friends.
Needless to say I am looking forward to this Christmas with friends. We won’t stay into the wee hours of the morning like we used to prior to kiddo. We will likely leave prior to most folks getting there, actually.
What are your holiday traditions?
Have they changed since your loss and or birth stories? Have you read and given to the #WhatIWouldGive campaign for PALS? (I had to slip it in there- remember we are raising money to finish building the amazing PAL app!)
Happy Holidays to you and yours from my family!