I’ve had a better week. I know you were all waiting with bated breath to hear that. (ha ha only kidding)
I have seen a lot of questions about announcing, and when folks start buying items for their kiddos.
It is something that I continue to read all of the responses and how people feel. The answers range from, announcing right away, to never saying anything publicly. Buying items (small or large) after 12 weeks to waiting as long as possible. I wrote another article about accepting hand-me-down baby items from friends and not feeling comfortable yet. So, I will not dive into that.
As far as announcing, we announced early for this pregnancy. For Rainbow- I never said a word.
Husband put some stuff on his Instagram with not a lot of followers, otherwise it was word of mouth. After she was born, I posted a picture on Facebook and Instagram basically saying, “SURPRISE I had a kid!” It is hard to tell anyone when they should announce, or how, etc. I didn’t even feel comfortable posting the picture of my alive baby. That was scary for me.
So, for this little caboose I have been very upfront about him and what is going on. (I feel like that is obvious, as I am writing a blog). I do not expect anyone else to understand my motives, or agree with what is going on with me at any particular time. The validation I get from here is nice, but part of this is for me to be able to document my pregnancy. If you do not want the public at large to know that you are pregnant, do not say anything. Do not let anyone tell you that it is wrong to feel like this either. We, as a community, have been through a lot. As mentioned previously, trauma affects everyone in different ways. Anxiety and fear are NORMAL to an extent. Obviously, if it is interfering with your day-to-day life greatly, please contact a doctor.
I feel like I keep walking down the trauma path in a lot of my posts, but please know that what we go through IS traumatic.
Pregnancy after loss is traumatic. So, please seek help if you are overwhelmed with it. There are many treatments for trauma and PTSD. I also harp on, “Do not let anyone tell you what you feel is wrong.” There are no wrong feelings here. Everyone of you is an amazing woman/person for embarking on this journey. It is hard.
To get on with the point I think I am trying to get to, I am actually getting excited for Caboose. I created the registries. I am hearing about all the items I will be getting for him from friends and I am excited! I want to start with his room, but to do that we need to move Husband’s office out (he is mid-semester in Pharmacy School- it will not happen until after December finals). This past weekend I started clearing out our loft area (where his office will be moved to), and I find that I want to just keep going. I can’t, obviously. But, I want space to store items for Caboose. Our garage is a disaster area, so it will not fit a lot of items.
Another loss mom who is pregnant with her rainbow is still worried.
She said she is not even thinking about baby’s room until after the 20-week big scan. I understand completely. She also talked about when she puts everything together, having people over to help. I thought this was brilliant. Make it a friend gathering of fun decorating, etc. With Rainbow I had her crib ready to go fairly early, then just literally tossed items into the room. My cats LOVED her crib, and fluffed it up quite nicely. I think I got everything in place about 32-35 weeks along? Probably later, as my showers weren’t until about 2-3 weeks before induction. (Just scrolled through old pictures and I never took a picture of when it was all ready… but there is a cute picture of the kitties snuggled in the crib with diaper genie at 39 weeks. So, there ya go.)
This time I feel more sure of setting items up, and getting ready sooner. I actually bought a box of diapers already! I naturally felt like I was jinxing myself, but nothing bad has happened and I am doing ok. Hazzah!