Pregnancy after loss is a unique and challenging journey, filled with grief, joy, fear, and hope.
As you travel this road, embrace your Pregnancy After Loss Bill of Rights.
1) I have the right to grieve my child or children that have died and/or the previous pregnancies I have lost.
I have the right to be sad about my loss(es) during my current pregnancy.
2) I have the right to be scared, anxious and afraid. I already know what it is like to lose.
I know how it feels to have the “It will never happen to me” actually happen to me. I have already had the worst happen, and I know it could happen again. Please don’t diminish my reality by diminishing my fears.
3) I have the right to receive support. I need it now more than ever.
Especially from my family, friends, other bereaved and pregnancy after loss moms, mental health providers, and my pregnancy care team.
4) I have the right to seek reassurance from others when needed.
I also have the right to turn down reassurance that others give me that I did not ask for and do not want to hear or believe at this time.
5) I have the right to be believed by health care providers.
I am the expert on my body, my baby, and this pregnancy, and my concerns should and will be taken seriously. If they are not taken seriously, I can and will find a doctor or midwife who will respect my experience and expertise of knowing myself and listen to my needs.
6) I have the right to plan for and have the birth experience I choose.
Be it a home, hospital, or C-section birth, I have the right to plan and hope for the birth experience that I will find the most healing. I understand firsthand that life doesn’t always go according to plans, but I still have the right to plan for things being different this time.
7) I have the right to not attend baby showers, birthday parties, holidays, and any other events that are triggering for me.
Declining an invitation to a baby shower during my pregnancy after loss is not self-centered or rude; it’s called self-preservation, which we all have a right to want and enact during our pregnancy after loss.
8) I have the right to feel joy and hope for this new life I carry inside of me.
I am free to hope that this child will bring me some sense of healing and joy back into my life.
9) I have the right to NOT be okay.
I have been through one of the worst experiences a person can go through; I have lost a child and the mothering of that child. Because of this I have earned the right to not be alright during this pregnancy after loss. If someone has a problem with that, then they might not be someone that can be in my life right now.
10) I have the right to remember my child(ern) that died and/or the previous pregnancy I have lost.
Just because I am expecting again does not mean I have stopped grieving all that I have lost.
11) I have the right to celebrate or not celebrate this pregnancy.
Pregnancy after loss is hard. It might be the hardest thing I have ever done after losing my child. I have the right to be confused about the dance of joy and grief that continually flows through me as I expect new life while grieving another.
I wish I had been able to read this when I was pregnant with my 2 year old after I had lost my still born son , if anything it would have made me feel normal with how I was feeling xx
I wish I had this the 8 years between my third loss and my Rainbow. After being told I would never have children I had my Rainbow and even then I had doctors telling me I would not have her – but my faith, that is all that I can call it – I had complete peace and faith that I would have “this” baby and now she is 13 and the joy of my life – she is the reason for everything I do every day. I am so glad that other mommies have this Bill of Rights and the support that us older mommies of loss did not have
Just what I needed to hear. Thank you.
[…] https://pregnancyafterlosssupport.org/pregnancy-loss-bill-rights/ Traducción y adaptación: Dra Agostina Bianconi y María Esther Olivera (Equipo Fundación Era en […]
I just want to thank you for this – I’m passed the halfway mark in my pregnancy after 3 losses and haven’t once felt like anyone or anything understood all of the things I’ve been feeling until reading this. For the first time, I feel normal and more at ease knowing that it’s not just me who has went through all of these things.
Thank you for this. I just found out that I am pregnant again after 2 miscarriages, and am having a difficult time navigating my feelings. This is extremely helpful and comforting. Thank you again.
I wish I saw this a year ago when I had my first lost
This is what i really want to do, especially after my 3rd pregnancy loss BIG THANKS
I needed this right now. I’m in suck a terrible place and feel that no one around me understands. I am pregnant with my rainbow baby but I should still be pregnant with the child we lost. In fact I would be due this Saturday. Having to try to be happy while I am still grieving for the baby I just lost a few months ago is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Number 11. made me cry, because I am indeed confused about the dance of joy and grief and I have not been able to celebrate this pregnancy, although I want to… Thanks for this.