For a loss mom, there is no day that is so communally terrifying as Mother’s Day. It is the day where you feel like you were almost invited to the party that all of the “cool kids” get to go to. It’s the day that can feel like an obligation—to celebrate your own mother (if you have one living, or are on speaking terms with her). For many, this Hallmark holiday is loaded, and moreso for a loss mom.

For a mom that is pregnant after loss, this day can be even more conflicting. Do you dare to hope that this pregnancy will validate your status as a mother? You might enjoy the attention of your pregnant status when strangers wish you a happy Mother’s Day. You might cringe when others call attention to your belly. You might be at the beginning of your pregnancy after loss journey, and be terrified to even hope that next year, on this day, you’ll be holding a baby in your arms. For the loss mom whose baby has arrived, this day might feel bittersweet, as the baby you hold might not be the baby who conferred the title of mother onto you. You might consider that your angel is the one that made you a mother, despite that you have to raise him or her in absentia.

The day after Mother’s Day might be a colossal relief. Another day of celebrating a woman’s power to birth has passed. The day can bring up so many feelings that are exhausting to process. It can feel lonely, bittersweet, happy…so many different things simultaneous that can feel like your heart is on overload. The day after might be a let-down—perhaps you didn’t get acknowledged on Mother’s Day or you tried to pretend that the day was any other day. Often times, Mother’s Day is like holding your breath (sort of like how a PAL feels everyday) so the day after allows you to finally exhale.

How was Mother’s Day (and the days after) like for you during this pregnancy after loss?

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