Jowen is 8 months!! How? Life has been going by so fast I feel like I am in a movie. But, truly, it’s real life! I feel like I am always rewinding everything in my mind of the memories I have had with our baby boy already. Every milestone he has reached. He is becoming more independent and I love it, but it’s hard at times to accept that he will be walking soon and doing more things on his own as he gets older. My rainbow baby! It’s amazing to truly not just only have a baby in your arms at birth but to take them home and watch them grow! It is the best feeling in the world.
Let’s talk about motherhood a bit more.
For me, motherhood has been a very beautiful experience but a lot to juggle too, because now I am not only taking care of myself, my husband, a business, but also a baby! Our son is a different breed. What I mean by that is, he is very curious, highly active, and advanced for his age. This means he is moving constantly and we have to have eyes on him. Also, when he cries he SCREAMS!!. Like legit screams so loud that not only is it hard to listen to, it can take him forever to stop crying. I have been triggered when people ask me, “Why is he crying?” and “What helps soothe him?” The only thing I can think of is Adele’s two songs Rolling In the Deep or Set Fire to the Rain. I know those two songs usually help him to calm down and go to sleep. But, there are times when the songs may not help depending on how much he is crying and what exactly is happening.
I will say, the answer to those questions are often times hard because I try not to get in the thought process of “Why can’t I get my baby to stop crying on my own? Are there are other things that can help.” I have to then realize that sometimes he may not want to be comforted even when he is coming to be comforted. I have a teething baby as well! Does that account for the crying? Should I even be saying that is the reason for him crying? It is so hard because babies can’t talk. You get to understand how they feel sometimes by their body language or picking up cues they give.
When it comes to sleep training as I stated before, I am not pressed on doing that. Even when we try, it just does not work. I love having our baby sleep with us because it’s a reminder that when he gets older, we will not be able to do that anymore and might as well enjoy the time. However, it is had because then there is not enough space in the bed and then the lack of intimacy. But, with the child we have we know he fights sleep so once we can get him to sleep, it’s golden! And at that point, we are able to sleep too.
Being a good mama does not mean you need to go by the books!
I create my own book and write down things. I keep notes in my mind of what my son likes or does not like. I am learning who he is every day and that should be enough! When I think of my past loss sometimes I just feel like people forget all I have been through. Literally, everything was triggering for me during the infertility journey with IVF treatments and going through the pregnancy loss. I have been waiting on this time to be a mother and I just wish people would not always ruin the vibes, in the nicest way to put it. Instead of asking, “Why is he crying?” why can’t people ask, “Do you want me to help you hold him?” Then, “Maybe it’s this. Have you tried this?” Can’t you say, “Babies are all different I know it can be hard, but there is always a new day.” People do not realize even if they may be coming off as caring, remember the advice was asked to be given. I am standing by what I know, I do what I want, I will try what I want, and I also may not try anything but just want I have been doing! I am comfortable with my own book I have created for myself.
I’ve been saying these positive affirmations to help me:
“I am the best mother I can be.”
“ I am worthy of experiencing motherhood.”