We are currently in the process of getting everything ready to move to Atlanta. This will be the first time I have ever lived in another state for an extended period of time, and there are so many things that we have to do before we can go.

Moving Away: Leaving the onlyhome with memories of our daughter

Not only are we making the obvious big changes, like selling our house, finding a new place to live, and changing schools, but there are some other seemingly small, but also important, things we have to change as well. And these little things seem more challenging after our loss.

I was surprised to find that our Texas shot records will not be accepted by the school, and I have to go take our son to a Georgia pediatrician to get the shot records input on a Georgia form before they are accepted. That seems silly to me, but obviously I have to follow their guidelines.

I am also finding that I feel guilty for moving away.

Our son started kindergarten this year and loves his teacher and loves his class. Our aim right now is to try to move in January and this would mean making him change schools mid year. And I feel guilty for making him leave the teacher he loves. I know kids are resilient, but mom guilt is ever present in my life.

I also feel bad that Emma won’t be able to be around my family as much as Nolan was. We will come back for visits, but it will still be a lot less interaction just because of the distance. And you always start out saying you will be back every month or every two months and it seems like it starts out that way and slowly the time between visits starts extending out further and further. The good news is that it is at least not that long of a flight. (Though it may feel a lot longer dragging two kids along!)

The other thing that I am sad about is having to find a new pediatrician. We have been with the same one since my son was born 5 years ago and we love her. She was kind and understanding during my loss. She had even called to check on me after my due date because she knew about the difficult diagnosis. I had to tell her then that we had lost her, but I so appreciated that phone call. I feel like no other pediatrician can compare to her.

I am trying to look at this as more than everything we leave behind. It is a new beginning in a new place.

The chance for our family to learn new things. And to leave behind some of the reminders of our loss. This is when I am glad that we had our daughter cremated so we are able to bring her with us. I don’t think I would be able to leave if I knew that meant not being able to bring her.

So here is to a new beginning for our family and to new experiences and friendships.

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