My heart wants the month to go by faster, but my fears dread each day closer to my C-section date. Months of counting down the moments, wishing away the days, and we are now in the final month. I’m excited, but my anxiety is at its worst.

We officially have five weeks, or less, until we hopefully welcome our sweet little rainbow baby into this world. Despite being at the point where I honestly don’t trust my body to keep this little baby safe, I am nowhere near ready for her to come early.

My last post I shared how my mucus plug came out and how I had a bloody show. It was scary seeing blood again, especially after having a Vasa Previa pregnancy with my angel. Despite being scared I remained calm and felt better after speaking to the on-call OB that weekend. The bleeding was light pink and stopped shortly after seeing it. I felt even better after having a good OB appointment last week and knowing everything with Colbie looked good.

Unfortunately, this weekend, wasn’t so calm.

I had what felt like irregular contractions and period like cramps all evening Friday, but I just chalked it up to just being overly tired. 12:30 am Saturday, my heart sunk when I saw bright right blood when I went to use the bathroom. Everything felt like a blur then, but somehow, with my husband’s help, I gathered the strength to stay as calm as possible to call the on-call OB.

The next thing I knew I was at labor and delivery. Thankfully everything with our rainbow baby was okay, everything with my placenta looked great, no infections, no UTI, and after doing a scan there is no sign of Vasa Previa this pregnancy. I felt a lot better, but was told they were going to keep me because I was having consistent contractions about eight minutes apart and the bleeding was most likely linked to my cervix changing. I was scared, but I knew in my heart that I was better off at the hospital than at home not being monitored. I received two bags of fluids while I was there, but even after a few hours, I was still having contractions. Thankfully I wasn’t dilating, and finally the contractions calmed down later that day.

The whole weekend just felt like a blur. So much happened, but the only thing on my mind was how I wasn’t ready, and how scared I was. I like to think that I won’t feel this way for my scheduled c-section date, but I have no idea what that day is going to be like. Each day closer to her due date and I’ve been finding myself increasingly emotional and worried about something bad happening again,

This Thursday I’ll be 35 weeks and I have an OB appointment. The goal for the rest of the week until thent is to take it easy, follow my discharge directions from L&D, and pray that our rainbow baby doesn’t come this early. As much as I do not trust my body at this point, I am hoping to make it to my scheduled  C-section date, but each day we make it through now without any complications is a little celebration. All I want is to have a baby in my arms after so long of waiting.

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