I went to a normal appointment this week and ended up being admitted to the hospital. Pregnancy after loss is a rollercoaster ride, and when you add on medical issues it morphs into something else. I worry for this little boy, losing him, and the reality that my life is also at stake. I have a lot to lose with a 2.5-year-old waiting for me at home.
Early on in my pregnancy, I got diagnosed with bilateral pulmonary embolisms – blood clots in both lungs.
These clots traveled through my body, my heart, and landed all over both lungs. I have had some ups and downs medically the last few months, and this week was for sure a low point. I was admitted to the hospital after expressing some leg pain and a heart rate of over 140 when resting. I ended up spending New Years in the hospital alone and the following three days as well.
It was an interesting stay with COVID-19 being so prevalent and most of Ontario on lockdown. There were zero visitors allowed, including the drop off of clothes and necessities like a toothbrush and comb! I was isolated in a room and not allowed to leave at all. Every nurse and doctor that came in to see me had to be in full gear as a precaution. I know a few days is not a big deal, but I was lonely and scared and missing my family. Pregnancy after loss is hard. It is hard when it is your first child after loss or second or third, it really doesn’t matter.
That fear of losing another child and being hypersensitive to every sign or ache and pain is exhausting.
After my discharge from the hospital, I was no closer to answers or getting better. I still need more testing done as they think the clots are not shrinking, and in fact multiplying or breaking apart. This can be easily diagnosed with a CT, but unfortunately, they cannot risk it with my pregnancy and the risk of breast cancer when pregnant and being exposed to radiation. I have to have a scan done called a VQ scan, and with those results, we will have a clearer plan for keeping me and this baby alive.
It is pretty shocking, but there is not a lot of research or treatment for blood clots. My specialists were at a loss as to what to do and where to go from here. I feel like I am just in limbo waiting for my health to go down or to get better. Fingers crossed for the latter.