This week was a hard one. To honor our son this Christmas and his upcoming 4th birthday, we decided to sponsor a little 4-year-old boy. I did not expect to be as emotional as I was. We worked hard to get lots of fun gifts for this sweet boy, and I dropped them off with my daughter. As we packed the car and started driving, I started to lose it. As grateful as I was to be able to do this for another child, it just hurt so much that I could not spoil my own little boy. I was a blubbering mess, but we did it and hope that we were able to make this Christmas special for that little boy.
The holidays in general are a hard time for a year for anyone that has lost someone special.
For us, I feel like there is an extra sting because Grayson’s birthday is on December 29th. It still baffles me that it has been 4 years since he was born and passed away. Though he is not here, we always try to honor him on any holiday. I feel as though I am his mommy and it is my job to keep his memory alive.
On another note, I am officially 25 weeks and so happy that I have made it this far.
Twelve more weeks to go before we get to meet, or hopefully meet, our little boy. The weeks are going by fast, but the days are slow. I try my best to get through each day and remain healthy physically and mentally. This pregnancy has not been easy for the mental and emotional rollercoaster ride, but I for sure was never expecting to be diagnosed with blood clots in my lungs. The physical repercussions of this diagnosis have been hard to deal with. I feel constant pain in my lungs and my heart. It takes effort to take each breath and there is a constant heaviness on my chest. It is what it is at this point, and I have no control over it. I just hope that I can make it through the next few weeks and hold my sweet baby boy.