You never wish joining the “loss club” on anyone. We are a special club of parents, and to enter this club you must have lost a child. This is not a club anyone WANTS to be a part of or chooses to be a part of. Every time I hear of a new member joining our special club, my heart breaks a little.
It breaks because I know what their future holds.
I know how hard it will be on relationships, the self-blame, the guilt, the whys, and the constant heartache. I so wish I could take it all away for them, to spare them the pain and the journey after the loss of a child. I am four years out from my loss, and it still feels like it was yesterday. It still feels lonely and isolating. Yes, people can empathize with me and show me they care, but only if you have lost a child do you really get what it’s like.
Last week I heard the sad news of my best friend’s sister’s loss. Her newborn baby, seemingly healthy, took a turn for the worse and passed away hours after she was born. Hearing this news was gut-wrenching. In four years, this is the first person I have personally known to lose a child. I instantly started bawling my eyes out and felt a deep ache for that sweet baby girl and her amazing, wonderful family.
I don’t know why some babies die and some don’t.
I don’t know why some families are spared the pain and some are not. All I know is that my friend’s sister has now joined my special club. I never in a million years would want anyone I know to have to share this type of journey with me. I am grateful to be here for her and my friend, though. After four years I have learned a lot about loss and the journey that follows it. I hope I can shed some light on what to expect, how we as a family got through it and keep going through it, and just be someone there to listen. I do not know much in this world, but one thing I do know well is how to be there for someone who has lost a child.