Stillbirth is so many things. Stillbirth is me.

Stillbirth is watching This Is Us and thinking, “Thank God that was 40 years ago and babies do not die anymore.”

pregnant woman with shadow of stillborn son - Stillbirth is many things. Stillbirth is me.

Stillbirth is finding out you are pregnant and planning your bright future.

Stillbirth is going to each ultrasound so excited and feeling blissful.
Stillbirth is finding out the gender of your baby and surprising your friends and family.
Stillbirth is picking out names for your baby.
Stillbirth is having an amazing baby shower.
Stillbirth is putting together the most incredible nursery for your child-to-be.

Stillbirth is going to your final appointment before you give birth to hear those dreaded words, “I am sorry, there is no heartbeat.”

Stillbirth is calling your husband at work and telling him his child is dead and he needs to leave work.
Stillbirth is picking your mother up off the bathroom floor of the doctor’s office.
Stillbirth is seeing your father cry for the first time in your life.
Stillbirth is calling all the grandparents and aunts and uncle to be to let them know your baby has died.
Stillbirth is hearing your family’s shrieks as they find out the news.

Stillbirth is sitting on the hospital bed and being told you now must give birth to your dead child.

Stillbirth is 14 hours of labor, your child getting stuck and having a nurse jump on your stomach while the doctor reaches in to his elbows to pull your child out.
Stillbirth is giving birth in a room full of loved ones so they can say hello and goodbye.
Stillbirth is watching your husband cut the cord of your first child.
Stillbirth is holding your child, wishing they would open their eyes and start crying.
Stillbirth is spending hours with your child as their body goes cold in your arms.
Stillbirth is watching nurses take your baby away knowing they are going to lay them on a cold slab of metal.

Stillbirth is leaving the hospital all torn up, wearing an adult diaper, and carrying a memory box.

Stillbirth is going from the hospital straight to the funeral home to plan your child’s funeral and burial.
Stillbirth is going home to an empty and quiet house.
Stillbirth is laying in bed with breasts leaking milk with no baby to feed.
Stillbirth is having gained 70 pounds in pregnancy and feeling like a different person.
Stillbirth is wanting to trade places with your child, to sacrifice your life for theirs.
Stillbirth is physically healing and bleeding for 8 weeks.
Stillbirth is endless nights of crying yourself to sleep.
Stillbirth is a piece of your heart that has been ripped out.

pregnant woman with photo of stillborn son - Stillbirth is many things. Stillbirth is me.

Stillbirth is wanting to try for another baby and being terrified.

Stillbirth is avoiding all babies, children, gatherings, and even baby commercials
Stillbirth is losing friends because they no longer understand you.
Stillbirth is becoming a changed person and trying to accept this new version of yourself.
Stillbirth is trying for 9 months wanting to get pregnant so badly but also being terrified.
Stillbirth is finding out you are pregnant again and feeling pure terror.

Stillbirth is navigating grief and pregnancy after loss.

Stillbirth is people around you thinking time heals all wounds.
Stillbirth is telling time by how many months or years ago your child died.
Stillbirth is a constant hole in your heart.
Stillbirth is being exhausted after every social gathering.
Stillbirth is being in a room full of people and feeling so alone.
Stillbirth is a lonely journey where very few people understand you.

baby with photos of stillborn brother - Stillbirth is many things. Stillbirth is me.

Stillbirth is those around you thinking a new pregnancy will help heal you.

Stillbirth is knowing one child will never replace the other.
Stillbirth is knowing this grief and sadness is a life-long thing.
Stillbirth is going to each doctor’s appointment dreading you will hear those words again.
Stillbirth is not being able to be excited for your next child and always thinking they too will die.
Stillbirth is not being able to change the nursery because you just do not have the heart to.

Stillbirth is so many things. Stillbirth is me.

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