“My relationship is over,” was one of the first thoughts I had when I found out my son had died. I was in shock, overwhelmed, and getting ready to go to the hospital to give birth to my son. I clearly remember sitting there and thinking, well I lost my baby and now my relationship will be over.
I thought of all of the tv shows and movies where couples lose a child and their relationship crumbles. And, I thought, well this is what is going to happen to us. I don’t know why my mind went there, but it did.
I really did not know how we were going to get through this. When I got pregnant, we were actually broken up, and as my pregnancy progressed, we got closer and even purchased a home together. The loss of our son was and is devastating. I did not think we could survive this type of loss.
And yet, just when I thought our relationship would crumble under this devastation, it blossomed into a connection I never knew was possible.
My boyfriend cooked for me, he bathed me, he forced me to get out of bed, changed my clothes, and made sure I ate. He cried with me, stayed strong for me, and he was and is my rock.
We both grieved and still grieve differently. We have had different experiences as the mother and the father of our son, so we process things differently. It has not always been easy, but we really worked on understanding each other’s differences in this journey of loss.
A few months after our son died, we decided to get engaged. We knew that we were the only two people who really understood what we went through, and we wanted to honor our son bringing us together and get married.
On Dec 29th, on our son Grayson’s 1st birthday, we went to townhall just the two of us, said our vows and we got married.
Celebrating our marriage on our son’s birthday was our way of being close to him.
It has been almost four years since Grayson died, and we now have a two-year-old daughter and a baby on the way. This pregnancy has been life-threatening for me and for the baby, another hurdle in our relationship. Once again, my husband shocks me in how he takes care of me and our daughter. When we found out about the blood clots I had, we both cried together and tried to find a way to get through this. He gives me the strength to keep going on and I know I do the same for him. This has been a crazy journey of ups and downs, but I am forever grateful that I get to do it with my “person” by my side.