This happy family photo was taken on Thursday! Two days later my pregnancy after loss journey has hit a massive road bump. My shortness of breath and migraines hit an all-time high, enough to worry me. So, I headed to the hospital and spent the weekend in and out of the ER.

After multiple tests and exams, I got the results that I have feared the most.

I am 10 weeks pregnant and I found out that my sweet little baby has a subchorionic hematoma, a bleed. I was also diagnosed with bilateral pulmonary embolism, blood clots in my lungs. Never did I imagine at the age of 30, with a full-term stillbirth under my belt already, that this would be happening to me and to my baby.

It has been a hard few days and I am still unsure about how I feel. The twist is that to stay alive I have to take a high dose of blood thinner injections twice a day. And, because of the bleed the baby has, it drastically increases the chances of the baby not surviving.

I spent so many hours alone, going from test to test, and then finally getting this news.

I could not stay strong any longer and completely broke down. I have feared for my children’s lives, but never my own, not like this. I cannot imagine leaving my sweet 2-year-old rainbow baby or losing this baby growing inside me now. To be completely honest, I am at a loss–a loss as to why this is happening to us, what I should do, and what will happen in the next few weeks.

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