This is my final Bump Day Blogger post, as I wait patiently for the unknown arrival of this little being bouncing around inside of me. I don’t think there are any women in my family who’ve birthed before 40 weeks, so it could be a bit for me! Fortunately, I am feeling comfortable and quite able-bodied. Mostly just dealing with dozens of Braxton-Hicks every day, but that’s no bother really.
I feel so blessed to have carried this person in me for 9 months.
To have had a mostly-uneventful pregnancy (so far, fingers crossed it stays that way!). To surrender and really give in to loving this child and in the end believing they will come earth-side. To have worked through my fears, all the unknowns, and to sit in the dark with just my breath to keep me company. Us pregnant after loss mamas are so brave, stepping into this vulnerable place yet again and taking a chance at believing in life. I am in awe of every loss mom out there, and it has been an honor to read and witness other mamas through PALS. I am especially rooting for you, fellow Bump Day Bloggers, Jasmine and Emma!
And, I am just beyond excited.
I cannot believe we are here, at the end of pregnancy, with a soon-to-be hopeful healthy living child in our arms. In our life. In our home. It feels like a dream come true, some magical existence I have been wondering about for years. I am even looking forward to the birth: though I know it never goes exactly how you picture it, and it is definitely a transformative experience, I welcome and embrace the power of it. To walk down this path that every woman in my ancestral line has taken fills me with such reverence and connection. The ring that sits on my right hand reminds me of that intergenerational strength, that me and this baby are being held and guided by the souls of our dearly departed and the spirits of this land that we live on. And this babe’s big sister; I am certain she has been guiding this process as well.
To both my babies: I love you more than you will ever know. You have changed my life forever. Thank you for choosing me to be your mother, even through the tears, pain, sorrow, joy, nervousness, laughter, and hope.