Things are really moving swiftly around here. After two months of dried-up egg production from our girls, we’ve now been seeing a slow and steady increase in chicken eggs deposited in the nesting box every morning. There are crocus stems peeking out of the ground (hello, climate change), dreams and plans for the summer garden are sprouting as seed catalogs arrive in the mail, and the tides are coming to a place where if you want a glimpse of the low-tide zone you don’t have to wake up at 2 AM to go clamming.

Author’s Personal Collection/Libby Valluzzi

Andrew has been working away at an addition on our little cabin (we now have two rooms!), and pretty soon we’ll be mudding the drywall, painting, and installing some cork flooring. Those are the parts I can actually help with, which feels productive and fulfilling.

Indeed, all things are humming along as Spring inches closer and closer. The season of the big belly, and the season of birthing the babe.

We’ve both admitted, that now that my belly is noticeably plump, the baby squirms day and night, and we can hear the heartbeat at home with the fetoscope our midwife lent us, it’s all starting to feel more real. There might be a light at the end of this tunnel, after all.

Still, when people in my community ask me about spring or summer plans, I usually do not say anything about my pregnancy. A part of me is still scared that maybe something bad will happen. And perhaps I just don’t want to go through the whole conversation of our first baby, the septum, the surgeries, our second baby now, and all the mixed emotions of the whole thing. Easier just to say nothing, at least at this moment in time. I have kept this pregnancy quite private in my community and life (hah, even though I’m writing for this blog!), which feels very special and comforting to me.

We also recently started taking an online Hypnobirthing class.

I’m enjoying it very much, and regardless of how things go, learning and practicing deep relaxation, visualization, and affirmations are such a wonderful way to invest my time and energy. I did reach out to my instructor prior to the first class to explain our history a bit, and she was so graceful and caring. I fantasize about one day having a specific pregnancy after loss childbirth education classes where all the parents could support each other in emotionally and mentally preparing for birth after loss. Maybe a role I could take on one day, or you, or someone else in this community, or all of us together!

Keep on keepin’ on, is about all I can say and do this week. Staying strong and grounded as best as I can, and I hope you are doing the same!

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