PALS_RaysofHopeI’m thirty five weeks this week. THIRTY FIVE! Could someone please tell me where the time has gone? It’s hard to believe that in just five weeks I will finally meet this little child. It’s so close! And yet… sometimes I wonder how I can handle another five weeks of kicks to my ribs and worrying thoughts pestering my brain. When people find out how far along I am, the favourite response seems to be “not long now!” They are technically right (what’s five weeks in the scheme of things?) but what they don’t understand is that the last weeks are the longest. Lots of pregnant women say that but it feels extra true for me. Ariella made it to 39 weeks before she died so that makes the last few weeks the scariest for me.

There have been some rays of hope lately though, and I’m starting to think that maybe I will get to the birth in one piece.

Today I booked enough appointments with my midwife to see me through until the end. It’s nice knowing when I can see her, check baby’s growth and hear the heartbeat.

We also set up the cot and I got the newborn nappies ready. Setting up the cot was surprisingly easy; I had expected to be more emotional about it. But getting the nappies ready was different…I’m not too sure why but getting them ready seemed a bigger commitment than the cot. But it’s done now and every time I see them I’m reminded that there is hope for this baby.

When I was pregnant with Levi, I could not think about labour and birth. I just couldn’t! To me, saying “hello” to the baby at birth was also saying “goodbye”, stillbirth had been my only experience. Thankfully my labour and birth with Ariella was a truly wonderful experience (besides the obvious negative of knowing she had died) so I knew my body could handle labour. I just didn’t think my emotions could. Now that I have experienced labour and birth with a positive ending, I don’t feel the same way. My midwife lent me two books to help prepare and think about labour and reading them is helping me get excited and hopeful.

Thirty five weeks down. Five to go!

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