Some big-ish milestones have been smashed this week!
We’ve spoken about milestones in pregnancy after loss before, and we tend to keep them small, or not too far in the future. Small, short targets feel less daunting. But this week, we’ve achieved two big milestones; a wedding, and starting maternity leave.
I appreciate under normal circumstances, attending a wedding isn’t a milestone as such to celebrate just for getting there. But, as a bridesmaid, and obviously having a date booked so far in advance, sometimes it’s hard to trust that all will be okay once you get there. Anything can change in the space and time it takes to plan a wedding, so my brain did at times make me feel nervous about ‘presuming’ I’d be attending pregnant still… Because it’s clearly kind like that.
We had such a wonderful day, the weather was perfect after raining in the morning, we ate lots, danced a little and Magpie kept nice and active so I could relax all day. Not gonna lie, was mildly exhausted and it took a while for my pelvis to cooperate the next day – but a good day all round! And a perfect excuse for some pretty bump pics too.
Starting Maternity Leave
This one is a biggie for me. I spoke about it on my Instagram blog account this week. Having to plan it in advance gave me the same nervous rumblings in my head as any large milestones, like I mentioned above. When we planned it, we just had to go with it. But there was always that uncertainty about it. Once we hit 24 weeks, I did feel safer – not in terms of risk, but in terms of maternity leave being guaranteed whatever the outcome.
Returning to work after Leo was incredibly difficult. Whilst I’ve got used to it, it’s never really been easy – for so many reasons. So I am absolutely ready to remove that pressure from our day to day and just chill for the next few weeks. But the concept of being on maternity leave has given me some quiet anxiety. The routines of slow mornings and nursery preparing were markers of the two weeks I got to enjoy before Leo died. So in that respect, if feels scarily familiar.
I’ll do my best to put those concerns aside, and relax into the next few weeks. We have plenty of appointments and activities planned to help pass the time. I think we will probably give ourselves a few small goals in preparation each week from now, just to keep a steady pace, and avoid procrastinating, resulting in overwhelming times in a few weeks!
Sharing Leo’s Story
We also had the opportunity to share Leo’s story at a training event, as patient representatives for the Rainbow Clinic that we attend in Manchester. It was a fantastic day, and an honour to contribute to the event. Whilst I don’t like the notion of ‘make lemonade out of lemons’ it is a comfort to know that our experiences can help to better that of others, in some small way. You can find out about it here on my blog.
We also had another scan with the clinic whilst we were there, and all is continuing exactly as it should. We really don’t have long until we are induced and just need to keep our heads down, and stay as calm as we possibly can. I’m really pleased that on the most part, our anxieties have stayed at a quiet rumble and haven’t overwhelmed us for quite a few weeks now, and it makes such a difference.