32 weeks! We have hit a big week where it is time for the growth scan. Everything went so well! Baby boy is weighing 4 pounds and 4 ounces! This is the start of weekly appointments of doing the NST (Nonstress Test) & Scan then meeting with the doctor. This was also a special week considering the fact that my mother was able to come into this appointment and will for all my appointments moving forward due to my husband having to work early at his new job. This gives me a sense of peace. Having my mother there means so much because this is her first grandchild. She has been there throughout our infertility/IVF journey, and there is no one else I can think of but her that would be the best person to be at the appointments with me!
My mom has also been through loss before me so the connection of bringing a rainbow baby into this world, is very deep as I am her rainbow baby as well.
What else happened this week? Well, it sure was a busy one, I tell you that! We had our maternity shoot! Finally!! Which was canceled the first time due to rain and us having to shoot outside. We were able to work it through shooting in a studio! I felt so beautiful on this day and hubby and I connected throughout the shoot. It was just fun. We laughed and just enjoyed the moment. I am excited to see the photos.
I am truly proud of myself and hubby for just doing our best to enjoy each and every moment bonding and connecting with our baby.
No matter the anxiety from loss prior, I just keep reminding myself I am still healing and doing great with also not allowing anxiety to overpower the joy that is being felt currently. I will say that it’s definitely been still challenging physically with all my sciatica, round ligament pain, and hip pain! I feel like even with intimacy it is hard because my body is starting to slow down. But, still, this is something that happened even during the IVF process. I’m just trying not to put too much pressure on myself and my body. Allowing myself to rest when needed with no exceptions.
Another major part of this week was attending the childbirth class at the hospital where the delivery will take place.
I definitely have been looking forward to this being our last class because I want to learn so much about what to expect, things to ask and discuss, and exercises that are so beneficial to do. To our surprise, we met three other couples who conceived through IVF and IUI that was so powerful to have them in the class too and to be able to connect with others who understand the pain, struggle, and challenges surrounding treatment, infertility/loss. Also, it was so interactive which was just so great!
The class actually brought so much more peace for me when it comes to labor. I have always had such an intense fear even increasingly after I went through the traumatic miscarriage at home. I asked the doula instructor about the Cytotec pill that was given to me to induce my miscarriage. How is it compared to what will be used to induce labor? To my surprise, she told me that unfortunately, the pill I took to induce the miscarriage is 10-15 times more worst than what is used for labor. She looked at me and said induction can make contractions painful in general, but what you went through was far more worst as far as the pain level of the contractions. This right here made me feel a little better that I will be able to handle labor, just like the words I told my husband when I went through all that pain! But, another part of me was sad that I had to go through such horrific pain! I wish society could understand how having a miscarriage is still giving birth to a baby, but that is gone!
I reminded myself of my strength.
I realized how my body has been doing amazing things and finally concluded even after the loss, I can say that my body was also powerful then during all that, either way.