15 Weeks! Baby Beanie is a size of a pear. It is amazing to reach another milestone. It puts me in the space of having peace even in the midst of anxiety that is still present. Reaching milestones truly keeps me going and keeps my husband in a good space mentally too, knowing that this is truly really happening and we are so deserving of our blessing.
There are many things that occurred this week, the good and the hard things.
First, let me get to the most important thing when it comes to my anxiety–knowing that I am a high risk pregnancy.
I met with one of the OBGYNs at the practice I go to for my 4-week check-up. They recommend that you see each doctor and midwife at least once apart from your primary OBGYN because one of them could deliver your baby if they are on call. One of the doctors I saw was very direct but proactive. My blood pressure was elevated at the appointment, but I have high blood pressure and have been on blood pressure medication for a year along with baby aspirin that I take at night. Since I also have PCOS and my insulin has always been borderline for diabetes, the doctor decided that it would be good to check my glucose.
As a black woman, I already knew my risks going in and ensured I chose a practice of OB’s that specialize in gestational diabetes and preeclampsia. So, it is so good to know I am in good hands. But, it makes it difficult to also come to terms with the fact that my anxiety is becoming even more elevated with knowing these risks are there and are real. I was anxious the entire week about my blood pressure, which continuously was elevated when I was paying close attention to it. Also, having to wait for the results of the glucose also was hard.
Now the fun news, our photoshoot was the same week!
We had our photoshoot in the snow, which was so different and was so worth it. We are finally able to reveal the baby’s sex and highlight our pregnancy journey. Our baby is a BOY! A boy that is our miracle rainbow. It felt like a dream but also a dream that was meant to happen! I thought of the dream I had before finding out our sex of us having a baby boy. I knew right then and there that this was going to happen. It is amazing how our reality is even more amazing than our dreams. I can remember the dreams that I had, and it was never fully clear. But, those dreams did show that I was going to have a child. It feels amazing to actually not say these words but experience it all happening.
I am balancing everything the best way I can. I am believing that even with a high risk pregnancy that there is nothing that is going to stop me from allowing the joy to come in as much as possible.