Over the past few weeks, we have started preparing more for the arrival of our sweet baby.
Reading, watching videos, making a hospital bag list, and taking a birth course are all on the agenda. We have also started gathering items we will need, setting up our apartment, and thinking about work schedules leading up to and after our due date.
Often I feel overwhelmed by the amount of “stuff” there is to do. How is one person supposed to remember it all? And remember it at the right time?
While preparing for the arrival of our little sweet pea it often feels surreal and scary to actually be preparing for labour and delivery. This is a brand new (albeit extremely exciting), painful and challenging experience that is coming in my new future.
This weekend, it hit me exactly why I am finding this transition into preparing so challenging.
Our first pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks. We found out about this current pregnancy about six months later. After a routine anatomy scan at 19 weeks, I was told that I’m at risk for pre-term labour. This led to a whole host of appointments, hospital visits, medication, and ultimately surgery to keep babe safe.
While these events are in the past, and lately baby and I feel really good, this has been our journey so far. My husband always says that our challenges and our triumphs are “a chapter in our story.” No matter how dark and challenging some of them were, we can never change our past.
So my big realization was I’m always wondering “what will go wrong next?”
Based on our past experiences, it feels as though I am waiting for the next thing to go wrong or waiting to be presented with another hurdle to jump over. Functioning with a heightened sense of awareness, worry, and concern. Hoping every day baby is healthy and safe and will meet us earthside without complications.
So in our preparations for the “big day” I’ll take it slowly and gently, remembering that our past shapes our future, and this is all part of our story.