Over the past few weeks, I’ve noticed a shift in my thinking. It’s a change from “what if we don’t meet this baby” to “what if we do?” Instead of thinking “my body failed me last time” to “look at what my body is doing now!” And a shift from “what if tomorrow something bad happens?” to “well, what if it doesn’t?!”
This shift in thinking has not happened by accident and it most definitely did not happen overnight.
It has come from months of feeling the really big, really challenging emotions and letting them be. The fear, stress, sadness, anxiety, and anger. I believe you really do have to go through the hard days and emotions to move past them. The shift has also come from a conscious choice to change my thoughts. To choose hope over fear, calm over worry, and gratitude for what is over, disappointment for what isn’t. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not easy but it is something I am working on every day!
The last few weeks have felt more hopeful and it seems that we are starting to move forward with more purpose in this pregnancy. There are many things that I believe have brought about this change for me. First off, the consistent support of my husband, family, and friends has made a world of difference. They truly believe that everything will work out, they have faith in me and remind me almost daily! Also, the recent positive doctors’ appointments are so reassuring. Our last ultrasound looked great, all my tests are normal, and I got to hear our little sweet pea’s heartbeat with a doppler this week! Finally, the clear changes in my body are a sign that things are going just as they should. The soreness and feelings of stretching in my abdomen, feeling my uterus growing, and all the other wonderful symptoms that come along with the second trimester are indicators that our baby is doing just fine.
I have also noticed a shift in my thinking about pregnancy itself.
This happened rather naturally, not on purpose or by any work from me. I’d be interested to know if others that have experienced pregnancy loss feel the same. The shift is simple. I am looking forward to more pregnancy, not just looking forward to my due date. When you tell someone you are expecting, the most common question is, when are you due? While of course, I do think about that date, there is so much between now and then. I look forward to the next steps in my pregnancy, like when will I feel our little baby move (hopefully soon!), when will I really start to show?, will we find out the sex?, what will we see at our next ultrasound?, etc. I think this shift has happened naturally because I have learned that nothing is guaranteed. Every step forward in our pregnancy is a positive one that I am grateful to experience.
As things keep shifting and changing (literally and figuratively!), we’ll take it one day at a time. It will be interesting to revisit this post in the future and see if my thinking has shifted again!