Well, here we are at 12 weeks and 5 days pregnant. Part of me never believed I would make it this far, so it feels somewhat surreal. In my experience, this is recognized as a significant milestone in any pregnancy. Typically after 12 weeks your risk of having a miscarriage goes down, you start to feel better and many people choose to share their news at this time.
This was an important and nerve-racking milestone in my pregnancy after loss. In my last pregnancy, I knew I was having a miscarriage at exactly 12 weeks. We had plans to share with some friends and family that weekend, but we were not able to share the news we had planned. We had decided to wait until the “appropriate” time to share with those outside our immediate family.
During this pregnancy, we learned from that experience.
When we got a positive pregnancy test in late September of course we were excited, but also experiencing a whole other host of emotions that comes with pregnancy after loss. We decided to share with some family and close friends quite early. This was in part because we were excited but also building a support system around ourselves “just in case.” We knew if we needed support this time for the worst-case scenario, we wanted friends and family to be in our corner right from the beginning.
As the weeks drag by (this is what it often feels like!) we have continued telling friends as we see them or talk to them. This has been a great way to share our news. It has allowed us to share the happy news and also all the disclaimers that are going through my mind. “We’re taking it one day at a time,” “I’m not thinking about baby showers at this time,” “We’re just focusing on the current week.”
It is an exciting and joyful thing and of course our friends and family are happy for us. It has been challenging to communicate and continue to set boundaries around what we are ready to discuss and think about. Of course, people close to me want to talk about whether it’s going to be a girl or a boy, where I want to give birth, how much time I’ll take off work… the list goes on. Of course, we appreciate that they care and are thinking about us, it would seem quite strange if they weren’t! It’s a fine balance between appreciating their care, excitement, and love and managing my own emotional reaction.
Truly I wish I was able to be excited about these things too.
I remember contemplating these things quite early in my last pregnancy. But today, this week, I’m just not ready and frankly, I have no idea when I will be. It’s not a sure thing, they don’t know what will happen and neither do I. Nothing is guaranteed.
So, we share cautiously. When we can explain and discuss the plethora of emotions we are experiencing in this pregnancy. We stick to phrases like “We’re just focusing on this week” and “I’m not thinking about that yet.” One day and one week at a time.