Into the Unknown” keeps playing in my head for the last week! (If you’ve seen Frozen 2, then you know!).

Currently being 11 weeks 5 days pregnant is new, unchartered, unknown, terrifying territory for me. It’s a scary place to be!

Path through the trees - Into the Unknown

Author’s Personal Collection/Janel Morphy

My last pregnancy (which was my first) ended in a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks, but our little baby never grew past 9 weeks. I knew I was having a miscarriage the day before my Early First Trimester Screening was scheduled.

Today (in about an hour) I am going to get the ultrasound done for my Early First Trimester Screening. I never got this far before, never made it to these appointments. Tomorrow morning I am going for the bloodwork. It feels exciting, scary, and somewhat surreal. Part of me believed we would never make it this far in this pregnancy.

Janel's 11-week bump: Into the Unknown

Author’s Personal Collection/Janel Morphy

This week has felt like a waiting game.

Not just waiting for my next appointment… almost waiting for something to go wrong. The feeling of waiting is a strange phenomenon because it really disables your ability to live in the current moment. The days have felt SO long this week, just counting down until Saturday. As I’m sure many PAL moms relate – there are so many emotions leading up to an ultrasound. I am so eager to go to this appointment and finally get to see our “sweet pea” again. But on the other hand I am scared, like really scared. This is unknown territory for me and really we have no idea what is happening in there. What if we get the news no one wants to hear? And so on and on I go on what feels like this treadmill of anxiety, around and around while we wait.

I read this quote a while back that really stuck with me. “How can I not expect the worst, when the worst is all I know.” If the only experience we have known with pregnancy is it ending loss, then how do we prepare for the unknown?

Couple hiking - Into the Unknown

Author’s Personal Collection/Janel Morphy

We are cautiously excited, but trying to navigate this new unchartered territory.

The unknowns about the next appointment. The strange new symptoms that are unknown to me (this week I have been experiencing a lot of pulling feelings and cramping in my abdomen). Not even knowing what my emotions will be an hour from now (it’s been a rollercoaster!). And past that the unknowns of tomorrow, next week or next month. The unknowns of our baby’s health and my health throughout the pregnancy. The unknowns of labour and delivery.

I’m so grateful to have found this community and the resources at PALS. At least if we have to dive into the unknown, we can do it together!

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