I had the strangest experience earlier this week. I told my husband I wasn’t feeling well, that I was really tired and felt nauseous. His response? “Great! I’m so glad to hear you felt sick today!” Welp. Now before you jump to conclusions let me explain…

Currently, I am 10 weeks 4 days pregnant. Between weeks seven and nine we had two ultrasounds and I was swamped by all the typical early pregnancy symptoms. My breasts were quite sore, I was nauseous most of the time, food smelled disgusting, so many naps, (this is rare for me!) and I had lots of extra trips to the bathroom.

Janel at 10 weeks pregnant - "I'm so glad you feel sick!"

Author’s Personal Collection/Janel Morphy

Since part-way through week 9 my symptoms have been coming and going.

Most noticeable is that my nausea has lessened. Now I know many will think or say, “Well that’s normal! Symptoms come and go and lessen at the end of your first trimester!” Try telling that to my paranoid, anxiety-ridden brain. In my last pregnancy, I had a missed miscarriage. The baby never grew past 9 weeks, but we didn’t know until I started bleeding at 12 weeks. At the time I didn’t realize (it was my first pregnancy) but my symptoms subsided rather abruptly at about 9 weeks. Granted this pregnancy has been quite different so far, but it shocks me how many times a day that thought pops into my head…

So, I symptom check. Like all the time. And my husband has joined in the fun. He asks daily how I’m feeling and the specifics about what I’m experiencing. I just never thought there would be a context in my life that he said he was glad I felt sick.

At the start of this pregnancy I said to myself, “I will only write down or try to remember abnormal symptoms.” I thought to myself, if it is a normal part of pregnancy, I’ll just roll with it. That went out the window fairly quickly. Now I want to remember everything. The last time I felt sick, the last time my breasts were sore, the last time I felt any cramping, etc. etc. Part of this is definitely a response to the anxiety I’m feeling. Being hyperaware and hypersensitive.

However, one thing I have found helpful is actually writing down my symptoms every day.

First off, this takes the burden away to remember (which I find especially difficult these days!). It brings me some weird sense of comfort to know that everything I’ve experienced is tracked and I can look it up or show it to my doctor anytime. Secondly, it often brings me reassurance to look back to yesterday or the day before. Lately, the days feel quite long and yesterday can feel like a week ago. I’ve been using the Flo app, so it’s handy just to scroll back one day and realize I felt nauseous only yesterday morning. And finally, I think in some strange way this is one of the only connections I have to my baby at this time. We have two ultrasound photos and what I’m experiencing in my body. That’s it.

So for now, I take each day as it comes. Check, wait and hope.

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