My c-section is tomorrow (Monday) morning. I can’t actually believe we’ve made it this far. The hospital bag is finally packed, the car seat is in the car.

Issy's 37-week bump - Issy's Bump Day Blog, Week 37: Are we really here?

Author’s Personal Collection/Issy Jorden

This week has felt very surreal.

I’ve had midwife appointments to listen in on baby’s heartbeat every other day, just to get me through. Even though I can feel him moving around, it’s incredible to me that his heart is still beating. On Friday, I had my pre-op appointment to go over preparing for the c-section and find out what time to arrive at the hospital. Thanks to my amazing doctor, I’m first on the list (unless any emergencies take over), so by the time this blog post goes live, our baby will be born. I realized this week that I’ve spent the best part of 9 months preparing for another loss, and now it’s dawning on me that we’re (probably) about to have a living baby. I feel so unprepared, and so ready, all at once.

Issy's bump with baby's basinet - Bump Day Blog, Week 37: Are we really here?

Author’s Personal Collection/Issy Jorden

I’ve not been sleeping well this week, surviving off stretches of sleep caught in the early hours of the morning. As soon as I lie down in bed my brain starts to whir with lists, things to wash and pack and clean, instructions to leave my parents as they house- and dog-sit for us, things to finally dig out the cupboard from last year that I’ve been too afraid to find, just in case we have to put them away again.

It feels as if we’re building up to a wedding, or a holiday, or a big exam – you can prepare all you like, but when the day comes, you can’t control exactly how things will play out. 37 weeks is on the early side for the baby to be arriving, so we’re hoping to avoid any NICU visits or a long hospital stay, though, of course, we’d prefer him to be looked after if he needs it. We just can’t believe he’s actually going to make it here.

Issy with her husband at 37-weeks pregnant - Issy's Bump Day Blog, Week 37: Are we really here?

Author’s Personal Collection/Issy Jorden

As of today, he’s still wriggling around in my tummy.

All signs are pointing towards meeting him imminently, though I’ll only really believe it when he’s in my arms. This pregnancy has been one of the hardest and strangest experiences of my life – second only to losing our sweet Dottie. But through it all we’ve had the tiniest glimmer of hope, the chance of new life, that’s kept us going. I hope to report back in a few weeks with a positive birth story and newborn experience!

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