When will people get it through their heads that I will not be silenced? I refuse to forget my daughter for your comfort.
I refuse to tell you his was my first pregnancy when it was not–doctors offices can fix their forms to include stillborn babies, because I will not chose a box that doesn’t embody my reality.
I refuse to tell you I have one child when I don’t. I also refuse to tell you I have a dead baby, because she is very much alive in another dimension.
I refuse to be ashamed to have a teddy bear in all of our family photos. I sleep and travel with her bear sometimes, and it facilitates sibling bonding with my children in the way I’m allotted.
I refuse to fail to mention my child to make you comfortable.
I refuse to hide her perfect, beautiful pictures because you can’t appreciate my portion in motherhood.
I refuse to look at signs from her as just a happenstance.
I refuse to abandon the bereaved community that was there for me better than I could be for myself, all because I got my “happy ending.”
I refuse to let an outsider judge my deep intricate grief process at face value–if you have something negative to say, or even think, I refuse to care.
I refuse to forfeit the honor of commemorating my daughter.
Don’t expect it.
Don’t challenge it.
Don’t question it.
And thank God you don’t have to understand it.
I really try to have a gracious tone, but I hear the little comments and I see the facial expressions, and every once in a while, I just have to remind myself and everyone else that mothering a child in heaven is a process not to be judged. It’s to be observed.
Genuine questions are welcomed. Saying Joislen’s name is celebrated. And remembering her with me is cherished.
But one thing I refuse to do is forget my daughter, for you.
Thank you for this! Me too!!!!! When people ask if this child (I’m 34 weeks pregnant) is our first, I tell them that it our fourth, but that hopefully it will be our first living child.
This is beautiful.. we are mourning: celebrating our child that had just passed. I am slowly but surely developing plans to always include him in our future.. because he is still in our hearts and watching us from heaven. So far I have decorated his room with things that we knew of him ( pictures from the nicu, his foot prints, etc.) and his teddy bear sleeps on the headboard of our bed.. haven’t thought of having it in our pictures – what a beautiful idea.. thank u so much for your inspiration:) God bless you
You perfectly captured my thoughts and feelings since my daughter Violet passed at 36 for unknown reasons. Thank you for this!!!
Amazing as always! ?