389fc0ca9b30fa69c0425ff278820ec2 It seems that whenever I log on to Facebook, or go anywhere in public lately, I am surrounded by moms with new babies. My close friend from back home just gave birth to her twins less than a week ago; a former student delivered her baby this past weekend; our Navy friends will be new parents any minute now. Twice a week, I visit the 7th floor of the hospital for my non-stress tests in the birthing center…more babies. I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, and an ultrasound on Thursday…more babies. Knowing some of these mothers and seeing their utter delight and joy makes me endlessly happy for them. I can say that with complete honesty because as I told my friend when she shared her pregnancy news with me, “Everyone’s story is different. Your story is not mine, and vice versa.”  After all, I don’t want their babies, I want my baby.

What I am dealing with during these last weeks as I see the posts and stories about new babies, is the hope that in about 5 or 6 weeks, it will be me sharing a story of new life. I hope I have pictures to share of a yawning newborn. I hope I have pictures to share of Chris and I smiling our faces off holding our living son. I hope I have pictures of our son in his going home outfit or his car seat. I feel like I know what you are saying as you read this, “You will, Tara, I know you will!” And that is beautiful, thank you. The truth is, I hope you are right. Hope really IS the only thing stronger than fear, and it is what we are clinging to in these final weeks. We pray. We do our best to keep our hearts and minds in the moment. We believe our fears are being assuaged by grace. We are thankful for every second.

To all my sisters in loss and infertility who are TTC, carrying their rainbows, or have already delivered their rainbows, I wish you endless joy and hope! To every mother everywhere, I wish you the same. May we all embrace our own journeys and support one another during the happy times, the anxious times, the scary times, the sad times…all of it! The beauty of motherhood is revealed in the intricacies of our stories weaved together to create a comforting and supportive environment in which we can each thrive, be appreciated, and feel whole.


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