Grief itself is a thief. It steals your joy. It’s selfish. It doesn’t want you to feel nothing but what it is… a cold, lonely, scary, grasp holding place. It makes you feel weak. You blame yourself for everything. It overpowers you. It makes everything harder. Grief is lonely.
When it gets ahold of you it’s really hard to get out.
I used to think that there was something wrong with me because I just couldn’t get out of the funk. I couldn’t accept what my life was. I had horrible thoughts. The only solution was “wanting to be with my daughter”.
The second it sees that you have taken five steps forward, it sets traps and then you take 10 steps back. Grief is empty and bitter. It makes you feel so unlucky. It makes you jealous and feel anger towards others that have what you want. It’s like you aren’t allowed to feel anything other than abandonment. It makes happiness look like a crime. It wants you to feel inferior, it wants you to be discouraged. If you allow it, it’ll take over your life. You’ll be so deep you won’t know how to get out. Grief steals your confidence makes you feel as if you aren’t allowed to speak about it.
That’s what grief made me feel. Trust me. It’s not you, it’s grief. You are not alone. You are not crazy. You are not weak. You are not pathetic. It is not your fault.
Grief itself is normal, but what it makes you feel isn’t always right! This is why it is so important to voice it! Grief wants you to stay there. The moment you feel anything other than grief, it reels you back in. As hard as it is the best way to fight grief is to do the opposite of what it wants you to do. Be happy. Find what makes you smile and force it. Stay busy. Work on yourself. Create a legacy for your angel. Find joy. Your angel will be happy if you are happy.
Every single day I remind myself that grief is the price we pay for loving so hard, but it doesn’t have to define my every living moment.