I’m definitely not alone when I say that I’m shocked that I’ve been pregnant this long.

With this being my third baby, two of which were induced early, and a history of preeclampsia, not me, nor my team, thought I would make it this far without her pushing her way out on her own or needing to induce again.

Yet, here I am… swollen, tired, stretched, and constantly overheated–here’s to my first “normal” pregnancy!

Well, as normal as it could be in the midst of a pandemic and everything else I’ve faced on this road to Joey. Even my “high risk” status proved to be just a risk. We took every precaution and it yielded great results. Joey is healthy as can be while sitting in the 16th-20th percentile for size, and has passed every single test that has given us all the reassurance we need that she’s ready for the outside world. Now if only she would come out and prove it to us- that would be great.

Of course, I know first hand how pregnancy can change in the blink of an eye so I’m certainly not putting myself in a position to let my guard down. Though I’m not going to lie- the last couple of weeks this hasn’t felt like a pregnancy after loss. It has simply felt like a typical pregnancy in a lot of ways.

I still have my moments of absolute panic, though this little girl is quite the active little baby these days. That on top of my weekly scans and OB appointments, I haven’t been given much reason to worry. My train of thought has been less and less of fearing if the worst were to happen again,  and more so of the typical worries a mama would have in the homestretch of the third trimester.

It’s a strange transition, for sure.

I never thought I would know what it is like to get annoyed at well-meaning family who ask when the baby will be here for the 100th time. I never thought I would ever consider or inquire about tips and tricks to induce labour, and nor did I ever think I would get to triple check that I had everything I needed in my hospital bag for when the day does come (or that my husband would make sure too).

It’s all new territory for me. As much as I wish I could appreciate it, I’m just beyond desperate to have her out. My pregnancy fatigue is at unbearable new heights. This week will be my first cervix check, as well as a stretch and sweep to hopefully get things going on their own to avoid induction if we can. This will also be the week we book an induction date for the following week (Week 38).

I’m hoping more than anything this sweet girl will come on her own before then.

Not only so I can have a chance at a natural labour, but also because the thought of being on the hospital’s schedule and not my own is stressful, especially when each day feels like an eternity. This induction would technically be “elective” even though it was recommended since the risk of sudden preeclampsia or hypertension, stillbirth, and complications from my lupus is still there, which means it can be pushed back if there’s no room in the maternity ward.

I feel like so much is out of my control right now, and it’s a hard pill to swallow after all this pregnancy has brought me. In spite of that, I’m trying to believe that better days are closer than they are further away.

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