Yesterday I called the pharmacy for a refill on my progesterone shots (which is shown to help prevent preterm labor. I used them with my pregnancy with Nathan, too, who made it to 36 weeks before my water broke). As I was making the call, reading off my prescription number, I looked down at the bottle, which said one more refill – one more month’s worth of medicine. And it hit me. Holy crap. I’m about to have another baby in just 8 weeks (or less)!
Reality is slowly sinking in that time is moving much too fast for my liking.
My husband has been off some extra days for the holiday the last few weeks, and instead of relaxing I’ve been putting him to work (sorry, babe). Thankfully, Delilah will be taking over the nursery Nathan is currently in, but we are moving him to his own big-boy room downstairs. So toy organizing, converting from playroom to bedroom, and of course, trying to organize the rest of the house. I’m pretty sure my nesting has begun. I’ve been trying to make a chaotic cleaning mess out of every room.
My living room that has been filled with Nathan’s toys is being overtaken by a swing, bassinet, and changing table. Nathan LOVES the swing, of course, and even tried climbing in it. I’m really not sure how he’s going to react to having a sibling in the house. He’s much too young to understand the concept of having a brother in heaven. One day. But for now, we keep talking about “sissy” in my belly and hope that he will be as in love with her as we are.
I think I finally finished my list of Delilah necessities, but I realized this child doesn’t have much for clothes. So, when my bestie gets back in town I’ll be dragging her out for a much-needed shopping trip (for a lack of better words, I don’t think I have to drag her to help me pick out cute baby clothes, hehe!). I have some clothing leftover from Nathan, I tried to keep anything gender-neutral, but we are in desperate need of some pink in this household. I haven’t totally wrapped my head around the concept that I’m going to have a little girl soon. It seems surreal. We knew Teddy was a boy early on, but we never got to bring him home. All of his items I recycled for Nathan, and it was a comfort knowing he was wearing clothing that was originally intended for his big brother. Some of those items will be passed on to Delilah. But regardless, leopard print items are going to be a staple in this home (mama’s favorite) and I’m so excited to go shopping!
I’m hoping the progesterone shots work their magic and help keep Delilah in until I’m full term.
As I scramble to get my house ready, I’m not sure I’m mentally prepared for her to be here just yet. I need a little bit more time to adjust. Bringing Nathan home was crazy, especially a month early and at the start of the pandemic. Now I’ll be bringing my sweet girl home with an almost 2-year-old brother and we’re still in pandemic times. However, our bodies and our babies will do what they want. I’ll never know she’s coming until I know.
My pregnancy journey – my pregnancy after loss journey – is about to come to an end. I will never again be pregnant in this lifetime. And, although I’m ready for that (as I’ve been having a lot of pain recently with Delilah wanting to sit funny), it’s a journey nonetheless that I’m closing a chapter on. My journey with lots of doctors appointments, finding out I had cancer and having it removed, using medicine to help me get pregnant, losing our child at 22 weeks, having our rainbow during the pandemic, and now our pot of gold coming. It’s been quite a lot over the last few years, with no off switch. I’m just hoping she holds out for me. Mama needs some time to breathe.