We were no strangers to loss during our journey to parenthood. Loss occurred more times than we were prepared for, and yet it kept creeping up like an unexpected nightmare. I wish I could tell the 2017 version of myself that she’d have two very happy, very healthy boys. I wish I could tell her about the incredible labors, the amazing deliveries, and the perfect sons she’d soon have.

2017 became the year our journey to parenthood unexpectedly began.

I found out I was pregnant, and just a few short weeks later, I found myself sitting in the doctor’s office being told my options. Every 48 hours, I went for bloodwork in hopes of seeing my HCG double, but that day never came. Instead, we were faced with having to make decisions about our nonviable pregnancy that my body couldn’t omit itself. Eventually, we were just another face in the waiting room, another couple going through a terrible tragedy, another story they’d never even remember. Except, hearing the words, “Don’t be too upset. You weren’t trying anyways,” will never leave our memory. This was our first loss of many, and while we’ve had two babies since, we’ll never forget all the emotions we experienced in those weeks. We’ll never forget the nurse asking why I was crying or the needles poking me to rid my body of the baby we were once excited about.

Pregnancy announcement - Finding Hope with Our Double Rainbowsafter Recurrent Pregnancy Loss

Author’s Personal Collection/Haleigh Bresnan

Luckily for us, following several heartaches came hope, and two years later, we welcomed our first son.

We switched providers, got some answers about our recurrent miscarriages, and had a healthy pregnancy that resulted in a perfect natural birth. Wesson was born on October 22nd, 2019, and he filled out hearts with so much love. Getting to spoil him with love was worth every second we had to wait.

Rainbow baby newborn photo - Finding Hope with Our Double Rainbowsafter Recurrent Pregnancy Loss

Author’s Personal Collection/Haleigh Bresnan

It took a few years to come around to the idea of having another baby because we felt fulfilled by our busy toddler.

To our surprise, we found out we were pregnant right before Christmas of 2021. I started my medications, had the cutest big bro shirt made up, and shared our news with our cousins who were also expecting. I wasn’t convinced this pregnancy would stick, so we started doing HCG draws immediately. My numbers were low but doubling. Unfortunately, I became incredibly sick and lost the baby just a week or two after we found out. Never in our wildest dreams would we have expected to experience another loss, but there we were, faced with it all over again.

Big brother pregnancy announcement - Finding Hope with Our Double Rainbowsafter Recurrent Pregnancy Loss

Author’s Personal Collection/Haleigh Bresnan

Fast forward to March 2022, and we had another positive pregnancy test! This would turn into our second rainbow baby, who was born on Thanksgiving. After a healthy pregnancy and a fast birth, Madden was born as the rest of the country was eating their Thanksgiving dinners. He was the chunky, calm little brother our first son needed. The two of them instantly fell in love with one another, and suddenly everything made sense.

Family - Finding Hope with Our Double Rainbowsafter Recurrent Pregnancy Loss

Author’s Personal Collection/Haleigh Bresnan

Life works in funny ways. It’s unpredictable, euphoric at times, and yet unusually unforgiving at others.

I’ll never forget the nights we prayed for healthy babies or the days we spent wondering why this was happening to us. However, I’ll also never forget the feeling of placing my boys on my chest while hearing their cries and knowing they were safe. Life threw us some unexpected twists, but at the same time taught my husband and me some meaningful lessons. Because of those lessons, we squeeze our boys a little tighter, rock them a little longer, and always cave in when just one more book is requested.

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