It’s harder than you thought, and that’s okay. You’re allowed to struggle and question what is happening. You’re allowed to have bad days, and days you wish would just end. You’re allowed to be human.
You had 9+ months of imagining what it’d be like to finally bring a baby home, and you probably imagined every day being magical all day long. And in reality, you still have to battle the same obstacles as any other mom with a newborn. And your struggles are made worse by the grief and guilt.
You feel guilty when you realize that most people think your baby is an only-child. You get sad when people continuously call you a “first time mom.” You wish more than anything that there was a big brother or sister running around the room while you take care of their baby sibling. You miss all the newborn moments that you never got to experience with your Angel.
You’ll get through it. You’ll get through it because you made it through (and are most likely still battling) the hardest thing any mama can ever face—the loss of a child or children. You are a strong and resilient woman because you decided it wasn’t going to beat you—you decided to create more love instead of hiding behind your grief and fears.
So take care of yourself. You’ll be an even better mama if you make your health and happiness a priority too. Find happiness in every day, even if it’s impossible to be happy all day long. Find happiness in your baby’s smile. Find happiness in finally feeling a baby snuggle up to you. Find happiness in the way he or she reacts to your voice or your touch. And most importantly, find happiness in your decision to be strong.
This baby will love you more for it. This baby will know how much he or she was wanted. This baby is fiercely loved.
And remember…it was worth it. Every single moment of struggling was worth it.
Mama of a 4-month-old Rainbow
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